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Archives for:
“Deliberate Practice”

The Fear Of Going Deep

One of the biggest fears coaches have – the fear of taking their clients deep. There’s this sense that deep down at the root of a client’s problems is fear, trauma, or pain so big you won’t know what to do. You’re afraid you’ll do damage. Afraid you’ll be clumsy. Afraid that you find yourself there and lacking and that it will rattle your coaching confidence to the very core. 

 

This fear leads to a host of problems:

  • You stay on the surface where it’s safe. 
  • You think of challenging questions, but you don’t ask them. 
  • You doubt yourself when you coach. 
  • You don’t create the space for your clients to feel all of their pain and fear. 
  • You never do the kind of deep work you see other great coaches do. 

 

So how do you address this? 

How do you know what to say? What to do? 

How do you prepare for something as a coach that’s unpredictable and a little scary? 

 

While I don’t have all the answers, let me share what I’ve learned so far. 


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7 Steps To Transform Your Life

It’s a new year, and many of us have been considering how we can become more of who we want to be this year. 

The best way to do this isn’t by making resolutions or only forming habits. The best way is by developing a deep understanding of who you are and declaring the life you want to create. The more you understand who you are and how you work and the more clear you are on what you’re up to in life, the more growth you’ll experience and the more satisfaction and possibility you’ll create for yourself and others. 

Of course, this is easy to talk about and hard to do. So in this guide, I’m going to break down how I look at change and some critical steps to discovering who you are and what you want to create in your life, as well as how you can get started. 

If you’d like some help with these BIG questions about life and growth, I invite you to do a Surrender Session with me all about what you want to create this year and in the years to come. I’ve already helped hundreds of people live lives of deeper meaning and satisfaction. And I’d love to help you too. 

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The Truth About Powerful Coaching Questions And How To Master This Art

Almost every new or promising coach I know is obsessed with the idea of powerful coaching questions.

We have lists of questions, books of questions, written scribbles of questions we collected at conferences, so many questions we don’t know what to do with them and yet we still have doubts.

Let’s say you learn a list of 5 powerful coaching questions to ask, somehow when you get into the session with a client they don’t quite work how you remember them working. The client is evasive, doesn’t answer the question quite how you expected, answers the question but then you’re not sure what to ask next.

Somehow no matter how much you study and collect questions, it’s never enough.

Why is this? What’s going on here? And what can you do about it?Read more

The Coaching Adventure Game… WINNERS!!!

For the past 3 weeks, coaches have been playing an EPIC game we created called The Coaching Adventure Game. It had 100 challenges, in a variety of areas all designed to get into action, have fun, and grow your coaching business.

Anyone who played the game is a winner because they’d be growing their business. However, it is a competition with prizes, so here are the official winners of the 2019 Coaching Adventure Game! Read more

How To Ask Super Powerful Questions

Every time I ask a powerful question there are 5 factors I keep in mind:

1. What’s the context?
What’s happening, in the client’s life, inside my body, in the client body, and the conversation.

2. What’s the bind?
Where is the client trapped or stuck, usually by some sort of unresolvable dilemma, impossible choice, or conflicting commitment? Read more

How “I Don’t Know” Can Build A Stable Coaching Business FAST

Let’s talk about how one Samurai built a business by embracing not knowing.

When Alex joined us in the coaching Dojo he was like A LOT of coaches in that he didn’t know much.

He didn’t really know how to coach.
He didn’t really know how to sell.
He didn’t really know how to find clients.
He didn’t even know what kind of questions a coach should be asking.

But that didn’t stop him.

In fact, he used DON’T KNOW MIND to become one of the fastest Dojo graduates ever to build a full time coaching business. He had a full practice within a matter of months.Read more

The EVIL Coaching Game 🎃

Recently I gathered with a group of high-level coaches and we played a simple game.

The game of EVIL coaching!

Evil Coaching Game Pumpkins Image

 

The game is simple, instead of being kind, gentle, and non-advice giving we threw out the playbook.

We coached from our inner asshole, our inner bitch, and our inner jerks.

What emerged was incredible.Read more

Fear As Fuel For Your Coaching

I was talking to a coach recently who was really struggling with their confidence. They knew they wanted to be a great coach, but every time they got on a call they were full of doubt. And along with doubt came all the usual fears coaches often feel:

    • fear of failure,
    • fear of being a fraud,
    • fear that you’ll ask a dumb question,
    • fear that you’ll ask a question that triggers you client and won’t know what to do about it,
    • fear that you’ll ask a great question, but then won’t no what to ask.

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6 Keys Needed To Escape The “Not Enough” Stage

It takes more than a map to arrive in Stage 2 of the 4 Stages of a Coaching Business. You need to have the fuel and ability to make the distance.

We know its possible to escape the “not enough clients or cash” stage. We looked at each of the phases we’ll go through to break free and rise out of Stage 1. 

So armed with this information, what does it actually take to make it through those phases? 

The 6 Keys To Creating Escape

Here are the keys that will make escaping level 1 more likely to happen:Read more

Escaping The First Stage Of Professional Coaching

There are a lot of coaches like you who are trying to escape the first stage of coaching and get to the next level of professional coaching.

What is Stage 1? A stage I often call the not enough stage, because there’s not enough clients and not enough money.

This stage is where most coaches live and why the majority of coaches don’t make enough. If you aren’t familiar, you can read up on all 4 Stages of a Professional Coaching Business here.

TODAY, I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW YOU CAN MAP YOUR OWN ESCAPE OF STAGE 1.

Let’s start here:

ESCAPING THE FIRST STAGE OF COACHING AND BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL COACH IS ABSOLUTELY POSSIBLE.

Not only have I done this in my own business, but I’ve watched and helped dozens of coaches do this inside the Coaching Dojo.

It’s not always easy – in fact, it can often be very challenging – but it’s absolutely possible.

 

Here’s how the change most often happens in my experience:​

THE PHASES OF ESCAPING THE FIRST STAGE OF COACHING

  1. 1. 0. STRUGGLE AND DENIAL –

Struggle and Denial – This phase lasts for years for many coaches.

You got into coaching because you loved this work. Some of you were the person your friends came to for advice; you loved having the big conversations, the ones that really matter.

And so you started a business, maybe you left your job, or did it on the side. But in either case, you started excited and lived on that excitement.

You took a course, hired a coach with a great sales page, got a certification.

But it didn’t work. You didn’t do the work, you checked email instead. Or you did the work but it didn’t click right away, and so you took another course instead.

You knew it wasn’t working, but you just moved from one course to the next, one teacher to the next. Hoping that the next thing would be the answer.

Let’s call this PHASE 0.

 

  1. YOU REALIZE IT ISN’T WORKING

You Realize It Isn’t Working – One day something clicks inside of your, or breaks inside of you.

This is when you realize that it isn’t working.

It dawns on you that all of the “standard” advice has gotten you to where most other coaches are, in a cycle of constant struggle.

For some people, this means hitting rock bottom: maxing out your credit cards, having to move back in with you parents, or relying solely on your partner’s income.

At other times it’s an inspiration that causes it to change. A determination to succeed where others have stumbled.

This is PHASE 1.

  1. YOU MAKE A COMMITMENT, (PROBABLY WITH SOME ENTHUSIASM)

You Make a Commitment (Probably with Some Enthusiasm) – Phase 2 is when you decide to change how you’re doing everything. Maybe you finally make a BIG investment into your coaching. Or hire a really incredible 1-1 coach, or set up a home office, or create some sort of structure for yourself.

You decide you’ll make it no matter what, you decide to really get good at professional  coaching, and really learn how to enroll clients even if it’s hard.

For most people this ‘surge’ of commitment lasts a few days for others it’s a few weeks, but it rarely last a month.

This is PHASE 2.

 

  1. YOU DISCOVER IT’S HARDER THAN YOU THOUGHT

You Discover It’s Harder or Different Than You Thought and You Struggle A Little – You start to realize why all those step by step methods were so appealing.

The process isn’t as simple or clear as others make it out to be. This can cause most coaches to stumble or even quit this new path.

If you stick with it you can move beyond this phase but that’s easier said than done.

The challenge is that this didn’t match your expectations. All of those sales pages made it seem like becoming a coach was easy, anyone could do it.

And so when you encountered setbacks, confusion, and uncertainty it brought up fear and doubts in you. Maybe you did some free coaching, but it wasn’t mind-blowing.

Perhaps you proposed some coaching and people told you they’d think about it and then never got back to you.

You bought the course that promised the stars and you got a bunch of confusing videos and worksheets instead.

It can be discouraging. Sometimes coaches simply don’t do the work or keep chasing the next sexy fix. It’s a sign they aren’t really ready to blaze their own trail which is vital for making out of stage one and becoming a professional coach.

This is PHASE 3.

 

  1. YOU STICK WITH YOUR COMMITMENT AND BEGIN TO SEE PROGRESS

You Stick With Your Commitment and Begin to See Progress – If you move beyond this initial struggle and stay focused on your commitment to do the work, to keep getting better as a coach, to learn from every conversation and enrollment call you have, you’ll soon start to see some progress.

This will feel inspiring and hopeful. You’ll start to have coaching sessions you feel proud of.

You’ll sign a client or two. If you get to this stage CELEBRATE!

Very few people make it this far.

You’re probably in the top 10% of coaches who experience real traction in their businesses.

Let’s call this PHASE 4.

 

  1. YOU HIT RESISTANCE AND RETURN TO PRACTICE (OR NOT)

You Hit Resistance and Return To Practice (or not) – At some point, you’ll face some sort of set back.

It’s inevitable. You’ll get 3 or 4 no’s in a row. A client you love will want to quit. You try to raise your prices and do an awful enrollment call.

While this phase is not necessarily the end of your escape velocity, it is for many coaches.

They hit this second wall of resistance and they give up, or distract themselves, or grope about for an easy answer and all of these lead back to PHASE 0 and back to the endless cycle of struggle so many coaches know so well. But it doesn’t have to be the end.

You might get discouraged even hopeless. You might not even want to think about coaching anymore or your commitment, because thinking about it makes you feel like a failure.

But you remember why you did this, you lean on your support and the rhythm of your practice and you decide to face this failure head-on. You focus on the basics and you start again.

This is PHASE 5.

 

  1. YOU FIND YOUR PRACTICE GROOVE

You Find Your Practice Groove – This phase feels a lot like PHASE 4, because again you start to make progress on a consistent basis.

At this point, you get into a groove of connecting with clients, serving them powerfully, and signing them as clients. In this phase you encounter challenges but you learn to use them to keep growing. Or maybe not.

You might actually just be in a repeat PHASE 4 here and if that’s the case you might have to lean HARD on your practice and your commitment as you go through a few more cycles of Stage 4 and 5.

But when you do finally reach PHASE 6 it can start to feel like you’ll never have to worry about going totally broke or failing as a coach, because you develop this confidence that you can coach your ass off and sign clients.

This is PHASE 6​.

 

  1. YOU STUMBLE IN STAGE 2 UNTIL YOU RECOMMIT

You Stumble in Stage 2 Until You Recommit – At this final phase of the Stage 1 escape plan, you’re entering Stage 2 of coaching growth which is all about “too much” (too much to do, too many clients, and too many opportunities).

And while this may sound great, at some point you might get so scattered and distracted you forget about the fundamentals and the simplicity of practice, or you might get overextended and get caught up in a get rich quick scheme just to find yourself low and cash and clients again.

After all, that desire for easy answers didn’t go anywhere, so it’s easy to get caught chasing them again.

I see this most often with coaches who’ve been at this for years and find themselves struggling to make ends meet, even after creating some success.

Some of these coaches go back to years of PHASE 0 thinking maybe the first escape was a fluke. But some others remember what got them there in the first place and they recommit, to being a professional coach, to serving people powerfully, and to enrolling people in what’s possible.

This is PHASE 7.

 

THE GOOD NEWS:

It gets easier the 2nd and 3rd time around because the fundamentals become more and more obvious!

So, as you can see, it’s not a straight and narrow path. That’s why I so often rail against all these people that offer a paved roadway out of stage 1 because they often hide the truth of what it takes.

There are ups and downs. Moments of great hopes and dark nights of the soul.

There are days where it all works and days where nothing seems to work

There are paths to escape and move beyond STAGE 1, but not at the pace we’d like and not as smooth as we’d like it to be.

This is the process of growth and change… The same one we learn to lead our clients through.

Love,

Toku

 

Next: Read up on the 6 Keys you need to ESCAPE the first level of building a coaching business. | Join us at Open Mat Sparring each month.

 

READY TO GET OUR OF THE “Not Enough” LEVEL?

Consider joining our upcoming Half Day Dojo [http://bit.ly/HDD-OCT-01] where we embark on dojo inspired training on one of the BIGGEST MISTAKES coaches make in their sessions, that contributes to keeping them stuck in stage one.