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Coaching Only Takes 3 Steps

The Surprising Truth: Coaching Is Actually Very Simple

If I want to sell you on coaching, I will make it seem like it’s super difficult. And then like a magician (or a con artist) I’ll remove the barriers. I’ll tell you that I’ve got a magical map through the forest. One where all the traps and beasts are marked on it. If you use my map, you’ll be nice and safe.

But this is a lie.

Coaching isn’t complicated. It’s actually very very simple.

This is how coaching works.

First, you become possibility. You don’t talk strategy and offer suggestions. When you sit in front of the client you believe in and embody that anything is possible for them.
You breathe it. You embody it. You express it.

Second, you sit across from someone and you ask them what you want.
And you keep asking them until you can feel you’ve got it. You’ve got a hold of what they really want. Not the strategy, the thing they think they can get, or the thing they think they should want. But the thing they actually want.

Third, you find out what keeps them from getting it. What stops them or how they stop themselves. You explore it until you understand it completely. Until both of you know this thing with the intimacy of your own breath.

That’s it.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Becoming intimate with what’s in the way.

It’s not complicated.

All the tools, questions, and processes are really just designed to help you do that.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Become intimate with the obstacles.

So simple and also quite challenging. The simplicity itself is perhaps the biggest challenge.

That’s why at some point learning more doesn’t help.
The only thing that helps is practice and being.

The practice of keeping it simple.
The practice of being possibility.
The practice of standing for your client no matter how they show up.

Don’t make it complicated so you can avoid the challenge.
Keep it simple, so you can fully embrace it.

Love,
Toku

PS If you are ready to embrace the simplicity and become a master coach, apply for the spring 2021 dojo here.

What’s The Right Answer?

We often seek finding the right answer, like playing chess with the future. We plan out the moves, consider the options, and explore the possibilities. But most of our worries come to nothing and rarely does our advanced strategic thinking lead to results that are wildly different. Instead, it gets us a load of worry and fear. 

The truth is we don’t know what the future holds for us. The only person who knows the future outcome of our choice is a future version that’s already made the choice and lived that life. That doesn’t mean you should just choose at random. Instead, it means that there’s an opportunity to consider options and make a choice not from knowing the right answer, but instead from standing in who we declare ourselves to be and choosing from that place. 

If you are committed to fear, you choose from fear and you get the results fear creates, which is often more fear. If you are committed to possibility and you choose from possibility, you get the results of possibility, which is often more possibility. This is what’s possible for you in life. 

To be a certain way, to choose from that place and to be responsible for the outcome, good/bad, welcome or scary.  

When we choose what we are committed to being first and then choose from that place not only do our results shift, but our whole experience of choosing changes.

Why Everyone Wants to Become a Coach

It’s 10:30 am and you awake in your beautiful home in Bali. You put on a loose fitting outfit as you listen to the birds sing through the filtered light from the overhanging trees. You wander downstairs to the sound of your personal chef making fresh green organic smoothies in your high powered blender. They smile as they pour you a glass and watch your reaction as you drink. You soak in the flavors of fresh mango and turmeric plus something else? “Passion fruit” the chef says to you with a smile. You give them a wink and wander out onto your gorgeous veranda. 

You open up your silver macbook pro and check your email. 86 people have bought the 21 day course you put online last night and you’ve got three appointments for potential new clients that have been scheduled as you slept. 

You close your email and open your journal. At the top you write . . . Why I love being a coach and begin to record your thoughts. 

 

The Dream

This one BIG reason why people want to become a coach: they imagine that their life will be just like this. A profession that has meaning, a life of incredible freedom, being able to work from anywhere, and a small and acceptable form of celebrity. 

I do know coaches who live like this. (Hell, I actually sort of live like this.) 

I’m currently nomadic and live in AirBnb’s, I only work 4 days a week and I do long beautiful hikes in national parks on the weekends. 

I mostly buy what I want (though my tastes are not expensive) I eat in nice restaurants (or get take-out), and I love my work almost everyday. 

It is possible to get this as a coach, and that’s why people do it. The lifestyle, the promise of freedom, and because they worked with a coach and felt how powerful the process could be.

But this is largely an illusion. Not because you can’t achieve it, but because it’s not what being a coach is all about.  

Being a coach isn’t all about organic smoothies and exotic vacations. 
It’s not about freedom and lifestyle or being able to work from anywhere. 
It’s not about passive income and creating evergreen funnels. 

These can be part of it, but it’s not the core. 

The core of coaching is believing in the possibility of people, in the face of all of the things that are wrong, annoying, and inconvenient about people. 

It’s believing in your client, even when they don’t believe in themselves and their actions indicate that you shouldn’t believe in them either. 

You need this deep understanding in order to face the ‘reality’ of what being a coach actually looks like. 

 

Which looks more like this: 

You wake up at 6:30 in the morning with anxiety in your chest. You haven’t signed a client in a few weeks and you’re starting to get nervous. You know you should be taking action but your fear and distractibility all keep getting in the way. As you stumble out of your bedroom in the apartment you can’t really afford, you kick the empty pizza box you stress ate while watching TV the night before. 

You find a dirty glass in the sink, wash it out, and pour yourself a glass of water. Your blender is attracting flies but you’ll deal with that later. 

You open up your email and find three advertisements from coaches promising to give you all the answers to signing clients. You also find a late payment notification from your credit card company and a potential client that just canceled their session because ‘something came up’.

It’s not even 7 am and you already feel defeated. You click over to youtube and try to watch something motivational, but you just don’t have it in you. You close your computer, make coffee, and sit on the couch with your phone. 

By ten o’clock your neck is stiff and you realize you spent the last two hours scrolling through Facebook and reading articles on a news website. 

You figure this day isn’t really going how you thought it might and that maybe you should just try again tomorrow. 

 

Not that exciting right? 
But I’ve had lots of days like this. 

 

The only thing that’s kept me going is my commitment. My commitment to something bigger than myself, to my clients and my work, and to growth. 

It hasn’t been easy. It took me a year to get committed to a regular schedule and to empower some structure in my life. But I kept at it. I built something. Slowly and then quickly. 

Now my life does feel mostly effortless. I still get worried. I still have doubts. But they don’t slow me down. But it’s not because I live the life of the perfect coach. It’s simply because I’m not a coach so I can live in Airbnbs and work four days a week, that’s a side effect. 

The real reason I’m a coach is because it’s fucking magic. 
Because I get to be in the room where it happens. 
The room where people’s lives change. 

When I focus on that, everything else just gets simpler. 
So if you want to have success as a coach, find a bigger reason and get to work.

Practice your ass off and stay committed. 
It’s possible to wake up to organic smoothies, but first you have to wake up to your deep purpose for being a coach. 

Anything else is just a waste of time. 




This Is What a Master Coach’s To Do List Looks Like

Mastery is not a one-time event. It’s a series of small choices and overriding commitments that are made and empowered over and over again. Developing a set of strong habits that helps you grow every day as a coach and improve your business can help you avoid common pitfalls and take advantage of more opportunities to learn and grow as a coach. 

 

Here are the strategies and practices I have observed the best coaches engage with on a regular basis:

 

  1. Work with a coach – You can’t see your own blind spots. If you could, they’d be called hard to see spots. Great coaches work with coaches so they can uncover and work through what is hidden for them. They improve as humans and improve as coaches. They also learn a TON that they can bring to their own clients. 

 

  1. Create things – You can write, draw, record, sculpt, or choreograph. Creation demands that you choose to have something to say and learn how to say it. Both of which are essential skills in coaching. 

 

  1. Teach – Translating your thoughts and ideas into a format that others can learn from, forces you to develop a deeper understanding of what you’re talking about. If you can’t teach it you don’t really understand it.

 

  1. Connect with other master coaches – You almost never find completely isolated masters. It happens, but it’s rare. Spending time with other coaches, especially those who challenge your thinking, will expose you to new ideas and invite you to consider new perspectives. Like stones in a riverbed, this process of the community will smooth your edges in important ways. 

 

  1. Practice – Not all great coaches have a formal practice regime, but they all take a practice attitude to their work. Rich Litvin once told me about how he would listen to Michael Neill’s radio show and then pause before Michael would ask a question to see if he could guess what it would be. Other coaches I know watch recordings of their sessions to see how they could improve their work. There’s no one way to practice, but finding some way to become aware of your work is vital. 

 

  1. Read – The world is full of great books and great ideas, but master coaches don’t read for knowledge, they read for understanding and application. Knowing lots of stuff isn’t always that helpful, but being able to distinguish and talk about different concepts is. 

 

  1. Become Spiritual (or just have faith) – Coaching requires an enormous amount of faith. If your client’s success is all on you, it’s easy to become egotistical or resentful. When you can let go of that burden and trust the client and the process of coaching, you enjoy the process more. It’s often through meditation and/or prayer that master coaches find a faith that feeds them through hard times. 

 

  1. Connect with People – Great coaches are great connectors. They don’t just reach out to people in order to sell something to them. They find joy in connecting from a place of curiosity and love. 

 

  1. Take Care of Yourself – Despite the #hustle mentality in most of the world, master coaches handle their personal well-being. They get sleep, they exercise, they eat well. Master coaches understand that their mind and their being are their greatest tools. Neglect those at the risk of losing what makes you great. 

 

  1. Have a Life – Coaching is only a part of life, but personal development can sometimes feel like a monster that eats all of your time, attention, and energy. Everything you do doesn’t need to be optimized, analyzed, and examined. Sometimes you can just eat ice cream because it tastes good, play video games because they’re fun, and go for a walk because you feel like it. Master coaches love coaching, but they love life too. 

 

Get Good At Coaching

 

Once you’re clear on what there is to do, the rest is execution. But while it may seem like figuring out WHAT to do is the hardest part, often it’s the DOING IT that gets in the way. 

 

Which is why great coaches put themselves in exceptional containers. They hire amazing coaches, they train with masters, and they surround themselves with incredible peers. 

 

If you’d like to train like this, I’d love to invite you to apply for the Spring 2021 Dojo — over the course of 8+ weeks, you’ll get more time on the mat and more feedback on your coaching than most coaches get in a lifetime. 

 

Apply here.

You Don’t Have to Listen to Your Coach

I’m an executive coach. That means people pay me an incredible amount of money just to talk with them. So much so that I once explained to a stranger that my business model was actually most similar to a phone sex operator.

Why do they do this?

Well I could give you a long list of the changes I’ve helped my clients create, the single conversations that changed relationships, saved business ventures, and led to more joy and satisfaction. This is probably what should be on my website.

I could say people pay me to tell them the truth in a way they can actually hear. Or more simply I could say people pay me because coaching works. Not just coaching with me but coaching in general.

If you work with a skilled coach you will improve, enjoy, and thrive more than you thought possible.

But sometimes coaching doesn’t work, and when that happens it totally sucks, but the reasons are actually pretty predictable. This is true whether your coach is someone you’ve hired or just someone who’s trying to offer you feedback in the moment.

This is why coaching doesn’t work and how you can fix it –

1. You’re not listening

We have an incredible ability to ignore other people’s feedback even when it’s obvious. When you get new information that challenges the way you see yourself it’s easier to ignore the feedback then face reality. The feeling of being exposed, even to yourself is painful and humbling. So you avoid seeing these things or you explain them away.

Coaches are very good at pointing out what you don’t want to see. We practice looking for the blindspots that other people miss. Your coach is likely telling you again and again what’s missing, but you’re not listening to them. Instead, you are justifying why what you’re doing is right, understandable, or situational. Which is fine, if you want to stay the same.

However, if you want to change, try to listen to your coach and take on what they have to offer. If it doesn’t work you can put it aside but start by listening.

2. You don’t actually think change is possible –

If I came along and told you to jump over a ten-foot fence, you’d look at me like I was an alien. When people ask us to do the impossible we respond with confusion and incredulity. Regularly I see something my clients can do that they don’t think is possible. Sometimes they doubt their abilities because of limiting beliefs, sometimes they simply don’t understand that pathway from here to there. They don’t listen because they have doubts. There’s nothing wrong with setting realistic goals and working to achieve them, but often their realism is just pessimism in disguise.

A good coach will see more options than you do, they’ll see things you aren’t aware of, they’ll believe in a version of you that you’re becoming rather than who you are right now. But if you don’t think change is possible, you’ll end up stuck where you are. The way to change this is to notice where you shut down and start to argue for your own limitations. When this happens try coming from the point of view that it IS possible and then asking yourself IF it was possible, how would you get there? This is also a great place to get your coach to help you.

3. You’ve already quit –

My clients want to quit all the time. This may seem like an odd thing to say, but to me, wanting to quit is a sign of growth.

Think about a really tough workout you’ve done. At some point, you likely wanted to quit. I remember when I ran marathons and triathlons there was often a place during the race where I just wanted to stop. My legs were tired, my feet hurt, and I didn’t care about getting a stupid t-shirt. But each time I managed to push through and find more energy on the other side. When you’re developing yourself as a leader or working to change your life, you’re going to run into places where you want to quit. When this happens you have three options – quit, keep going, or pretend like you’re going to keep going while you’re actually quitting.

For coaching clients, quitting looks like going through the motions, showing up to coaching calls without anything to work on, not applying any of the insights you gain, getting stuck in the same cycle of complaints, or focusing on what isn’t working about your life or coaching. This is a way to quit without actually admitting that you’re quitting.

Coaching almost never works when this happens because if you’re not engaged and committed to change, you won’t change.

The good news is you can bring this to your coach. You can simply tell them that you are losing faith, not really giving this your all, or just going through the motions. A good coach will know how to with with people when they falter on the path to a new life so they should be able to help you get back on the right track.

Final Thoughts

Look, you don’t have to listen to your coach. Whether it is someone you hired to help you change or someone in your life that’s just trying to help you out or mentor you. But the cost of not listening can be high.

You have the chance to listen or to ignore. Most people ignore, they hide, and they avoid. But life isn’t meant to be survived — it literally ends with death — it’s meant to be lived. You’re meant to grow and develop as long as you’re alive.

And this simple act of listening and being open to the coaching around you can have an incredible impact on who you are. If you’re open to it.

There Are Many Kinds of Coaches… And They All Suck

There are different kinds of coaches in the world

There are life coaches – “I don’t have a real job”
There are executive coaches – “I have a fancy name for my not real job”
There are career coaches – “I don’t have a job, but maybe I can get you one”
There are business coaches – “I want to sell you facebook/linked in lead generation tools”
There are sex/relationship coaches – “I’m single let’s see if I can get you to be single too”

And yet if you’re in any kind of coaching group people call themselves all sorts of things: transformational, ontological, manifestation, intimacy, etc. etc. 

It’s not that these words have no meaning, or that they don’t distinguish different types of work. It’s just that they don’t matter to most of your clients or the people who will become your clients. 

Despite this coaches spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what kind of coach they are because . . . 

 

THEY DON’T WANT TO BE CALLED A LIFE COACH

 

Life coach is a strangely dirty word in the world of coaching. It’s a dirty word because people see it as fluffy and meaningless, because… well it is. 

There are a ton of people trying to solve this. 

Certification agencies try to lend an air of credibility by offering people a piece of paper that doesn’t really mean that much. 

Marketing companies encourage you to create a niche so you stand out among the world of other life coaches. 

But none of these solutions really work. 

The truth is what you call yourself as a coach doesn’t really matter. 

Life coaches are awful because they can totally suck at what they do and they can still call themselves coaches. 

Business coaches are awful because they only care about numbers and strategy and are more likely to give you advice than actual coaching. 

Relationship coaches suck because you keep having the same fights. 

Career coaches suck because they just get you another job you hate. 

You can call yourself the 4th grand pooba of coachsylvania regardless of if your coaching is good. 

The real problem here isn’t the kinds of coaches. The real problem here is your coaching. 

It’s part of the reason we don’t talk about types of coaching in the dojo. 

What we talk about is mastery. What will make you get better? What will have your clients lives change? How can you be in a state of optimal improvement? How can you get more mastery in less time? 

These are the things you need to pay attention to as a coach. 

Stop worrying about whether being a life coach has any meaning or not. Instead, learn to become the kind of coach that stands above any category you put yourself in. Develop the confidence to talk about your work with pride. 

Be the one kind of coach you are, a you coach, a good coach, a coach that actually changes things.

Once you do that, you can call yourself whatever you want. And you’ll still get clients. 

4 Simple Truths About Being a Coach

You didn’t get into coaching because of the numbers. I mean maybe you wanted to make money at it, you wanted to take that instagram picture from your little casita in tulum and talk about how #blessed you were, but you didn’t really care about the numbers. 

You didn’t care about getting rich, you said. You didn’t need to be wealthy, you said. But you did want to pay your rent and do meaningful work. 

So you became a coach. They promised it would be easy. They told you to focus on serving, to let go of the outcome, to follow their step by step system. But it didn’t work. The numbers didn’t add up, and instead of questioning all of this common wisdom you ended up questioning yourself. 

 

So here’s the hard but simple truth about being a coach – 

 

#1 Shortcuts are easy to sell but hard to execute on – 

If it’s simple and easy, everyone would be doing it. So the fact that everyone isn’t doing it means it’s not simple and easy. 

Building a business and being a great coach takes work, dedication, time, and effort. You can skip a few steps if you’ve got a bunch of money and spend it well or have a natural network of incredible people, but most of this stuff isn’t shortcuttable. It’s better if you do the work. 

Doing the work means talking to people, connecting with them, figuring out what makes them tick, learning to sell to them, and dedicating yourself to improving as a coach. 

You want a shortcut, so the world of coaching obliges, but a shortcut rarely works. 

 

#2 You have to learn to sell – 

This is perhaps the hardest thing for most coaches to grasp. You have to learn to sell, to convince people to give you their money, and then to stand by your work no matter what results you get. 

Selling is hard for most people. It’s scary, it’s challenging, and it means overcoming a bunch of internal resistance, but despite what people tell you about being successful without selling, no coach I know that makes good money does it without selling. Some of them love selling and in truth you’d love to be sold by them. 

Selling isn’t evil or pushy, it’s simply the art of creating commitment. Selling doesn’t have to suck, but you do have to learn to master it. 

 

# 3 You will always be worse than you could be – 

Looking back at my clients from 2 years ago… I sucked at coaching them. I mean not really. Even two years ago I was better than most coaches. But compared to today, I gave way more advice, I got lost a lot, and I would lose my patience with them. As I continue to grow as a coach, I get better. I’m already a brilliant coach, but two years from now I’ll be even better. 

This is how it is. Always. If you’re new you’ll be fine, but not great. After a year or two you’ll be decent, maybe even good, depending on your training. It takes years to be great, but you’ll get better. You will always wonder if you could do more. That’s ok. 

Just let yourself be as good as you are and work to get better. Don’t let how much better you know you could be, stop you from being as good as you are. You’re the coach in front of this person and that’s better than no coach at all. 

 

#4 You have to care about the numbers

  • How many connection calls did you have last week?
  • How many coaching calls did you do last month?
  • How much do you charge?
  • What’s your profit margin?
  • What’s your burn rate?
  • What do you want to take home? 

You may not care about the numbers when you get started but eventually you have to. Because the numbers don’t lie. The numbers don’t have feelings. They don’t tell you if you’re a good or a bad person or if you’ve got a bad haircut. They just tell you the results and the performance of your business. 

So you have to care about the numbers. If you avoid them or make them mean something that they don’t really mean, then you’re screwed. The numbers are there to help you see where to put your attention. 

 

Final thoughts – 

Coaching isn’t for scared people. Though there are a lot of scared people in coaching. But that’s not what a master coach is committed to. They are committed to being great, to serving people, and to believing for people who often doubt themselves. Which by the way is most of us at least some of the time. 

These truths about coaching may be hard to accept, but accepting them, doing the work, and making a difference is what the life of a coach is all about. 

 

Toku

Is Becoming a Coach Worth It?

It’s hard to be a good coach. If you want to be a mediocre, sort of ok, minimum wage coach, that’s much less hard. There are literally thousands of books and courses on how to be an ok coach. 

But to be good, to be great, that’s hard. So before you take the leap, make the investment, and quit your day job, ask yourself, “Is becoming a coach worth it?”

You can only really answer this question yourself, but I’m going to do my best to help you figure this out before you get too far down this path. 

 

#1 Do you love people?  Are you also driven mad by them?

When I first wrote this, I typed, Do you enjoy helping people? But then I realized too many coaches get started because they like “helping” people. Except what they call helping people is really just telling people what to do.  

Most advice isn’t followed and it’s also not asked for. So changing someone is rarely about getting them to do something different. It’s about helping them discover what they really want. 

To be a great coach you have to love people. You have to love them even though they make stupid choices over and over again, you have to love them even when they get mad at you for telling you the truth, and you have to love them even when they are really whiney about something they can easily change. 

If you love people, becoming a coach might be worth it. If you just like telling people what to do, then work for TSA. 

 

#2 Are you curious?

Some people like being right and some people love being curious. Some people love both. 

Most great coaches I know love being right, but they love being curious even more. Curiosity has an element of humility to it. A willingness to be wrong and to not know. 

Even great coaches are wrong a lot, often they don’t realize it at the time and neither do their clients, but as we shift people, we do so from a series of guesses, distinctions, and explorations. 

Like working through a maze, there are a fair amount of dead ends. There are less as you get better but there are dead ends nonetheless. 

So you need to be curious and you need to long for curiosity more than you long for being right. If you need to be right, coaching will become about your ego and agenda. Sure some people will love that and you may find success, but that doesn’t mean you’ll find mastery. 

 

#3 Can you sell? Are you willing to learn?

Great coaches sell. They get clients to sign up. They do this in conversations and online. Great coaches simply learn how to get people to commit to change and then hiring them to create the change. 

Selling isn’t as mysterious or evil as you think it is. It can actually be enjoyable. But if you think selling is evil and you hate the idea of asking someone to pay you, you might be better off having a job where you sell once during the interview and collect a paycheck for years. 

If you sort of enjoy talking people into things or helping people get to yes then becoming a coach is worth it, if not you may want to do something else. 

 

#4 Do you really want to do meaningful work?

This may seem obvious, I assure you, it’s not. People say they want to do meaningful work, but they really don’t. They don’t like the pressure, the significance, or the depth of commitment meaningful work requires. 

You may prefer to have some lightness in your life, to keep things simple, or to not actually say your work is about changing lives. And that’s ok. 

Meaningful work sounds great on paper but what it asks of you is harder. It asks you to put your life, your ego, and your heart on the line. 

If you do meaningful work, you’ll be disappointed. You’ll wonder if it’s ever enough. You’ll work hard to change someone’s life and they won’t change. You’ll have to let go, let them be on their path, and trust that they will find their way. 

So be honest with yourself if you’re really up to this or not. 

 

So is becoming a coach worth it? 

For me it’s never been a choice. Once coaching found me, it hasn’t let me go. 

It’s magic. You get on the phone. You talk to someone. And their lives change. 

Recently a client of mine finally settled her divorce after years of strife around it. 

Another client got the promotion at work she had wanted for a long time and started enjoying her life more than ever before, she even let herself be fully committed to her amazing boyfriend for the first time. 

Another client repaired a relationship with a major client he was sure was at its end. All in the midst of the client getting some tough medical news. 

To me that’s magic. To me, all the things that are hard about being a coach are worth it, because of who I get to be for people. 

But it isn’t easy, it takes work, commitment, and guidance from a master to get great. 

So if it’s not worth it to you, choose something else. You can always be a great listener for your friends in between shifts at your amazing startup job or tell lots of people what to do at the airport while they are going through security.

Being a coach isn’t a ticket to freedom, but it IS a ticket to an incredible life, if you decide it’s worth it for you. 

 

Stop Asking “How?”

90% of the questions I get from coaches is about how to do something. 

 

How do I price myself? 

How do I find clients? 

How do I sell better? 

How do I get better as a coach? 

How do I feel more confident? 

How do I handle it when they say they can’t afford it, when they don’t return my calls, when they want to quit?

 

The list is nearly endless. 

In some ways, “How do I…?”, is not a bad question. You need to learn about the art of coaching and the art of enrollment. Being curious about how to do these things and how to get better isn’t bad, but it’s also not what gets in the way of 90% of coaches.

 

The question that really matters is are you DOING IT? 

 

Are you giving people your price? 

Are you out there trying to find clients, connecting with people, and making introductions? 

Are you selling or practicing selling your coaching? Or even selling a podcast to people who might like it? 

Are you working to improve your coaching? Getting feedback? Studying other coaches? HELL are you coaching anyone right now? Even someone for free? 

Are you doing things that lead to confidence? Exercise? Eating good food? Acknowledging yourself for the things you’ve done well? 

Are you thinking about ways to handle those things when they come up? Are you looking at how you did it in the last call and how you might do it in the next call? 

 

Most times coaches AREN’T DOING IT. They are sitting around trying to figure out HOW TO DO IT!!!! And again, how is a fine question to ask, but only after you do the first part. 

 

If you’re out there trying stuff out and learning, asking how questions can help, and of course when you’re VERY new and getting started, having some how, will make it easier for you to take risks. 

 

The real problem is the trap of always asking how, HOW HOW HOW, instead of saying ok. I have a way I can try, I’ve seen one option. It may be scary. I might mess up, but I’m going to try. 

 

Staying in HOW keeps you safe, and it gives you the illusion that some way, out there offers a way to try something without the risk, fear, and self doubt. 

 

Do yourself a favor. Go do it. Embrace the fear and self doubt. You’ll get stronger and you’ll actually learn WAY more than asking will ever reveal. 

 

Here are 4 ways you can get started:

 

1) If you’re not currently coaching anyone, get a free client – 

This isn’t hard, just go into any coaching group and offer your coaching for free. A lot of people will say not to do this. YES if you only do this it’s a trap, don’t get stuck here, but coaches coach people. If you ain’t coaching, you ain’t a coach. So go do a trade with another coach, or get a free client. Practice and learn with them. 

 

2) If you’re not getting paid, charge something –

Once you’ve worked with a couple of free clients then charge something. It can be a dollar, or two. It can be $100 or $1000, just charge something. Be willing to have the conversation about investing money in your work with someone. It will teach you a lot. Even if you are only charging a dollar. 

 

3) If you’re not charging enough, raise your rates –

Do it on the next call. Double them. Or add a zero to them. Whatever you do, raise them. You’ll have to step up and have a different conversation, you’ll get scared, the person may be more likely to say no, that’s ok, just try it out. Notice what happens when you charge more and learn from it. 

 

4) If you’re not working with a coach, HIRE ONE!!!

Or choose another profession. There are CRAZY amounts of coaches with no coach. You can’t do it, I mean you can, but it’s like coaching with your head up your ass. Having a coach means you’re getting pushed, it means your work matters, it means you matter. It will make you a better coach, it will have you be accountable. It doesn’t have to break the bank, (though investment does matter) but no matter what, just have a friggin coach. 

 

All of these are ways to be able to say YES to the question “Are you doing it?” 

 

And what’s amazing to me is that for most coaches when they simply start, they start making it. They build their career into something incredible, they get clients, and they turn pro. 

 

The how helps, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t change lives. 

 

So go look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, “Am I doing it?” 

And if the answer is NO then get started. The world needs incredible coaches like you. 

 

Love, 

Toku

Performance vs Morality

Performance is a function of performance. We offer certain inputs, inside a certain environment, and we see what kind of outputs we get. 

The more we can control for the environment the more we can predict and modulate our inputs to get a certain output. The more chaotic or seemingly random the environment the more performance becomes part art and part science. 

It’s easy to get lost in the dance that we ‘should’ know the correct inputs. 

We should have the right knowledge, experience, data, and courage to make the ‘right’ choices.  Only a future you really knows what the results of your choices are. 

From here, the future is a void. When we measure performance, observe the process, and are attentive to results we can generally perform better over time given the right resources. 

Morality is how good you are or a judgment about whether you are a good person. Because we value performance we often think that people who perform better are better people. It isn’t actually true, and very often we’re disappointed when star athletes, giants of industry, or our leaders reveal their human frailty to us. 

But because we value performance it’s easy to think that performance is the most important factor of morality. Even though it’s not. 

While thinking that performing better will make us better people might inspire us to work and pay attention, the utility of this mix up pretty much stops there. And for every person who seeks to perform better to be better, there are three people who feel awful about who they are because of some real or imagined lack of performance. 

In truth, these two things are just different. Not that they don’t interact and play with each other. But performance is performance. It’s a measure of outputs based on certain inputs in a certain environment. And morality is morality. It’s about who you choose to be in life, it’s about kindness and generosity, it’s about love. 

And anyone who’s ever tried to measure of tweak the utility of love through performance can probably tell you the futility of trying to bar graph the heart. 

If you can allow them to be separate. If you can survive poor performance while maintaining a good self-image, so much is possible for you. It takes work, but it’s a worthwhile path to follow if you wish to do meaningful work in the world.