2f850fb2bb65d35cc9b654d5c29d563e500930f5

Archives for:
“Uncategorized”

You Don’t Need A More Productive Way To Produce Suffering

Dear Future Client,

You became a coach because you thought in some way it was the answer. Maybe at this point, you don’t even remember what the question was anymore.

For me, the question was about finding purpose in life, doing work that mattered, having a sense of freedom, and making enough money so my father would be proud of me. Despite the fact that he says he proud of me all the time. But I may be luckier than you in that.

And yet here you are, a few months or years into your coaching journey and you still haven’t arrived yet. Maybe you make the $10k months every Facebook group I get invited to raves about, or maybe you’re close, maybe you even make more than that.

And yet you haven’t arrived. You don’t feel free. You don’t feel successful. You keep looking over your own Facebook wall into someone else’s life who seems to have it sorted out. Maybe you even think I have it all sorted out.

You portray an image of success that covers over a subtle form of self-doubt. You don’t really know if you’re a good coach. You find yourself frustrated with your clients. Tired after a day of sessions. Feeling both free to do incredible work and trapped by the incredible work you do.

So you go out and hire someone to improve your deal flow, to get you more clients on linked in, promote your product to a broader audience, and help you with Facebook ads.

But the truth is you don’t need a more efficient way to produce suffering. You don’t need a better system to help you find again what you’ve already found.

Please stop hiring experts and gurus and people who have the answers.

Instead, it’s time to look at the very heart of why you suffer. To discover the parts of yourself you’ve stepped over on the way to success.

Sure I can help you get better at sales, sure I can help you figure out how to hire a better assistant, sure I can help you develop some basic systems to put your attention more on what you want to do.

But all of these things require you to let go of who you think you are as a coach and entrepreneur. They mean flying in the face of the scrappy do it yourself, figure it out, hire it out identity.

That’s something they never tell you about, the existential crises of being an entrepreneur.

So when you’re ready, I’m here. When you’re ready to let go of a more productive way to produce suffering and find the leader inside of you, the one who can create something truly unique to the world.

When you’re ready to stop looking for answers and find yourself instead.
I’d love to talk to you.

Not because I have any answers, but because I love looking.
With people who are committed to curiosity.

Love,
Toku

Boundaries, Love, And Why I Blocked My Ex On Facebook

 

Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. – Prentis Hemphi

Last week I decided to block my ex on Facebook.

She didn’t do anything wrong, she didn’t start dating someone else (or if she did I don’t know about it), and I’m not mad at her. I blocked her because I love her, and I love myself as well.

I’m going to my best to explain why I did it, what I learned about myself, and hopefully, you’ll learn something about how to love yourself and others in the process.


Read more

Things I Don’t Understand About My Coaching

There’s something compelling about reflecting on your work and what you’re creating with your life. You probably know the answers you always give at cocktail parties or events by heart, but if you dig deeper into the nature of your work, you may find things about it you don’t understand. In being with those questions, you may discover something totally new about your work and life that creates more wisdom and love. Read more

YOU DIDN’T NOTICE

 

You may think your life was handled until the past week. You may now be discovering that there are places in your life that are out of integrity, that can’t manage some pressure or change. Nothing to beat yourself up about, but an incredible opportunity to learn. 

 


Read more

SURVIVAL BEGETS SURVIVAL

I was talking with a client recently about why people are buying so much toilet paper. I meant it seems crazy, right? Hand sanitizer makes sense. Maybe even rice and beans, but TP? 

But it actually reveals something significant about human nature. 

 

Read more

What It Means To Be Human

 

To be human is to be sick. 

Despite our best efforts, our most incredible drugs, our most brilliant minds, sickness is human. 

 

And so with this crisis, we come face to face with this truth. 

Not because this is exceptional. 

Getting sick is incredibly ordinary. 

But because we’re seeing it all at once. 

 

We are all staring into the face of what it is to be human for once together. 

We are all seeing together how frail life is. 

We are all seeing together how hard it is to keep us going. 

 

And it’s SCARY AS F*CK!!!!

Read more

Did I Choose Right?

Choice is funny.

It’s driven by all of these hidden desires and instincts. There are more dark alleys inside each choice we make than we care to admit. Especially when it comes to choices at the moment, words we said, reactions we have, people we reach out to, and those feelings we hold back. 

SOME CHOICES ARE BIGGER. They create deliberation, a struggle between this and that, stay and go, buy-in, or sell out. They can become a crucible for which it feels like there is no escape. 

Eventually, we make a choice. 

And we see. 

 

Read more

The Tragedy Of Knowing What You Want

“You can do anything you want to do. What is rare is this actual wanting to do a specific thing: wanting it so much that you are practically blind to all other things, that nothing else will satisfy you.” ― Chaim Potok, My Name Is Asher Lev

Read more

The Fear Of Going Deep

One of the biggest fears coaches have – the fear of taking their clients deep. There’s this sense that deep down at the root of a client’s problems is fear, trauma, or pain so big you won’t know what to do. You’re afraid you’ll do damage. Afraid you’ll be clumsy. Afraid that you find yourself there and lacking and that it will rattle your coaching confidence to the very core. 

 

This fear leads to a host of problems:

  • You stay on the surface where it’s safe. 
  • You think of challenging questions, but you don’t ask them. 
  • You doubt yourself when you coach. 
  • You don’t create the space for your clients to feel all of their pain and fear. 
  • You never do the kind of deep work you see other great coaches do. 

 

So how do you address this? 

How do you know what to say? What to do? 

How do you prepare for something as a coach that’s unpredictable and a little scary? 

 

While I don’t have all the answers, let me share what I’ve learned so far. 


Read more

4 Ideas for Creating Financial Goals and Habits in 2020

In my previous post, we acknowledged if you’re going to run a business, money is a thing you’ve got to deal with. However, talking about money can be taboo or scary.  However, money can be a thing you can learn to empower, enjoy, and even use to have a more significant impact on the world you live in. Today we are going to look at some ideas for creating financial goals & habits this year. Read more