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Home of the Samurai Coaching Dojo blog where Toku McCree, Matt Thielman, and other guest Sensei share their philosophies and practices for deep coaching and honorable enrollment. SUBSCRIBE for updates to be notified of new blog posts, special opportunities just for subscribers, and more!

Conditional vs. Unconditional Leadership

Conditional leadership means I’m a leader if you follow, if you do what I want, if you treat me right, if it’s fair, if it’s fun, if it’s easy, if it feels like it should.

A conditional leader can only lead when the conditions are right, sort of like a fair weather fan.

An unconditional leader chooses to stand as a leader, chooses to stand in a place of leadership, chooses to be their commitment in the face of all conditions. It doesn’t mean the conditions don’t impact them, they certainly do. Conditions can motivate, enrage, confuse, frustrate, inspire, distract, and compel an unconditional leader, but the unconditional leader keeps returning to the place they look from.

It reminds me of my favorite GB Shaw quote:

“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”

I would love for you to consider what your stand is as a leader? What is your vision for how you interact with the board? What is your vision for the possibility of that relationship? How might you start being that? What would it look like to be that in the face of them showing up exactly how you expect them to show up?

You Don’t Have To Be An Expert To Be A Great Coach

How can I help someone build a multi-million dollar business if I’ve never done it?
How can I help someone with their law firm if I’m not a lawyer?
How can I help someone have a dope relationship if I’m still single?

I hear this kind of thing a lot from coaches. I get it. I mean I wouldn’t want to learn how to cook from someone who couldn’t make toast. I wouldn’t want to learn guitar from someone who can’t play basic chords.

But coaching isn’t like cooking or guitar.

To be a good cook you need to do cooking. Because you have to learn the nuances of making food in order to teach it to someone else.

With coaching you’re not teaching someone a skill. You’re using a totally different set of skills to help them improve their skills.

Skills like:
– Observation
– Curiosity
– Contextualization
– Empathy
– Analysis

Just to name a few.

But even more important than those skills… you’re being someone for your client.

You’re being a stand for possibility. Which just means you choose to stand in a place where you can see that so much more is possible than your client realizes.

In the movie, a Star is Born the famous singer sees a young singer with talent performing somewhere and takes an interest in them. The famous singer is standing in possibility. They see that so much more is possible for this young singer then they even realize. More so, they have the ability to draw it out of them.

THE MOST VALUABLE THING YOU DO AS A COACH IS THIS!!!

And you don’t need to be a famous singer to do it.

What you need is an intimate understanding of possibility. What you need is an experience of someone standing for your possibility.

What you need is practice in the art of being with someone, finding out what they want, figuring out what’s in the way, and supporting them to take on the steps and beliefs. It’s a whole different set of skills than building a million dollar business or running a law firm.

And it’s why I coached a CFO at Nokia.
A CEO of a digital marketing agency in Peru.
A writer with work in the NYTimes
without ever doing ANY of these things.

The skill they needed to do their job was irrelevant to the skills I needed.
I never let a client’s desire for something I can’t do, stand in the way of what I see as possible for them.

If you’re wondering how you can help these people.
PRACTICE HELPING PEOPLE.
The deeply felt confidence you get when you realize you can choose to stand for anybody’s life, and possibility is irreplaceable.​

Love,
Toku

PS The Spring Dojo is already over half full. If you want one of the five remaining slots. Please let us know. It’s the ONLY dojo we’re running in 2021 right now.

Is This The Year?

You’ll become the coach you dreamed of . . . making a living, doing the work, hiring that coach you admire?

You’ll become the leader you pretend to be . . . empowering others, stepping outside the pocket and taking a risk, putting yourself on the hook?

You’ll become responsible for not just who you want to be, but who you are right now, fame and flaws?

It may be and it might not . . .

But one thing is for sure, it won’t happen through grand pronouncements or resolutions. It won’t happen because you made a big post about it on JAN 1.

It will happen through a thousand little choices, a thousand little practices. And perhaps the most important practice of noticing when you’re not being it, without shame, without judgment, without avoidance, and then choosing to return.

Performance is NOT morality.

Failure is not a sin. It’s not even that significant.

I wish for you a year of practice, more than victory, or success, or millions of dollars, or followers.Because there is no separation between Practice and Mastery. Practice and Success. Practice and Liberation.

Practice is mastery, success, and liberation.

It’s all the same.

May you practice well.

And thank you in advance for supporting my practice and very often without even knowing it, for being my practice as well.

Love,
Toku

The Best Coaching Sessions Are Boring

Don’t get me wrong. I love it when a session with a client is full of emotion. Maybe they burst into tears and are on their growth edge, or they are so fueled up with energy that they cannot wait to take on a new challenge.  If I’m honest the best coaching sessions—the ones that have the most lasting impact—are the boring ones. But this is hard for most coaches to understand, especially new coaches.

 

The difference between swings and homeruns. 

If you want a truly masterful coach you’ll likely be impressed by their ability to cause big tectonic shifts with relative ease. In the world of coaching, you might call these home runs. 

They are:

  • The questions that crack a client open
  • The reframes that shift perspective in a big way
  • The words of appreciation that open a client’s heart

I love home runs. I remember watching coaches like Rich Litvin, or Steve Chandler, or Michael Neil, or Byron Katie and many others. And being blown away by their home runs. 

And I remember going out and trying to replicate them. 

I’d ask BIG QUESTIONS 
I’d stare intently at the client willing them to cry
I would pluck on heartstrings
I would give bold speeches

A lot of this ‘worked’ in that it created a reaction in my clients. 
But much of it wasn’t great coaching. 

Slowly I began to notice something. While the home runs were great, they didn’t lead to change. 

So I went back to the drawing board. I began watching sessions in a new way. 
I stopped looking for the home runs. I started watching in between them. 

Eventually I began to see what these great coaches were doing.
They weren’t trying to hit home runs at all. 

They were trying to take swings. 
They would listen and take a swing. 

Sometimes it hit, sometimes it didn’t. 
But that was ok. 

They would learn from the last swing. 
They would listen even more closely. 
They would lean into the client. 

And then they would swing again. And again. And again. 

With each swing, they would notice what landed or what didn’t. 
No one swing mattered that much to them. Their swings were graceful, elegant. 
They were mostly unattached to hitting a home run, they swung because they loved to swing. 

That’s when it hit me. 

If I want to be great, I need to learn to swing. 
Even when I don’t hit the ball. 
Maybe even especially when I don’t hit the ball. 

I need to learn to swing. 

And sure enough, the better I got at taking swings the more home runs I hit. 

But it was only by letting go, by not needing to hit home runs, and by letting myself be boring that I saw the results. 

So now, when I have a session that’s all swings and no hits, I don’t worry about it as much; 
I simply let myself swing. I feel the motion of the conversation. I enjoy the sound of dialogue. I know that if I keep swinging and paying attention, eventually something will open. 

A whole session of swinging can feel boring. But these sessions are often the ones that create the momentum, lay the groundwork, and inspire the big changes that come later on. 

Please don’t get attached to hitting home runs, or making your clients cry. 
Focus on the swing, the being, and the way you stand for your client. 
If you put your attention there not only will you get better home runs, but you’ll also enjoy being a coach so much more. 

Coaching Only Takes 3 Steps

The Surprising Truth: Coaching Is Actually Very Simple

If I want to sell you on coaching, I will make it seem like it’s super difficult. And then like a magician (or a con artist) I’ll remove the barriers. I’ll tell you that I’ve got a magical map through the forest. One where all the traps and beasts are marked on it. If you use my map, you’ll be nice and safe.

But this is a lie.

Coaching isn’t complicated. It’s actually very very simple.

This is how coaching works.

First, you become possibility. You don’t talk strategy and offer suggestions. When you sit in front of the client you believe in and embody that anything is possible for them.
You breathe it. You embody it. You express it.

Second, you sit across from someone and you ask them what you want.
And you keep asking them until you can feel you’ve got it. You’ve got a hold of what they really want. Not the strategy, the thing they think they can get, or the thing they think they should want. But the thing they actually want.

Third, you find out what keeps them from getting it. What stops them or how they stop themselves. You explore it until you understand it completely. Until both of you know this thing with the intimacy of your own breath.

That’s it.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Becoming intimate with what’s in the way.

It’s not complicated.

All the tools, questions, and processes are really just designed to help you do that.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Become intimate with the obstacles.

So simple and also quite challenging. The simplicity itself is perhaps the biggest challenge.

That’s why at some point learning more doesn’t help.
The only thing that helps is practice and being.

The practice of keeping it simple.
The practice of being possibility.
The practice of standing for your client no matter how they show up.

Don’t make it complicated so you can avoid the challenge.
Keep it simple, so you can fully embrace it.

Love,
Toku

PS If you are ready to embrace the simplicity and become a master coach, apply for the spring 2021 dojo here.

What’s The Right Answer?

We often seek finding the right answer, like playing chess with the future. We plan out the moves, consider the options, and explore the possibilities. But most of our worries come to nothing and rarely does our advanced strategic thinking lead to results that are wildly different. Instead, it gets us a load of worry and fear. 

The truth is we don’t know what the future holds for us. The only person who knows the future outcome of our choice is a future version that’s already made the choice and lived that life. That doesn’t mean you should just choose at random. Instead, it means that there’s an opportunity to consider options and make a choice not from knowing the right answer, but instead from standing in who we declare ourselves to be and choosing from that place. 

If you are committed to fear, you choose from fear and you get the results fear creates, which is often more fear. If you are committed to possibility and you choose from possibility, you get the results of possibility, which is often more possibility. This is what’s possible for you in life. 

To be a certain way, to choose from that place and to be responsible for the outcome, good/bad, welcome or scary.  

When we choose what we are committed to being first and then choose from that place not only do our results shift, but our whole experience of choosing changes.

The Origin Story of the Dojo

I remember the second coaching intensive I ever attended. I was full of myself. I had just crossed the six-figure threshold. I was a member of the high-level mastermind everyone wanted to be a part of. I had expensive new shoes. 

And I noticed something. There were a lot of coaches around me who didn’t feel that way. Coaches who had been coaching for a long time, years more than me, and yet they were stuck. I couldn’t figure it out. Part of me thought well I’m just hot shit that’s why I’m doing so well, but another part of me knew that wasn’t true. I knew I was good but I didn’t think it’s because I was super good, I figured there had to be a reason, but I couldn’t figure out why. 

Until we did speed coaching. 

We sat in opposite rows, we coached, one row got up, moved down one seat, and we coached again. It took me three sessions to realize that most of the coaches were not great. I mean they were fine. They asked interesting questions, they leaned forward with a tentative eager look, but beyond that, there wasn’t much. 

Each session felt formulaic, heavy, constructed, and boring. There were a few highlights but mostly I was blown away that the majority of the coaching I experienced was at best, mediocre. Yes, I was being cocky. Yes, I had absurdly high expectations (especially then). Yes, I know fast coaching isn’t the same. But the impact was the same and I had my answer. 

The reason why most coaches were struggling was because their coaching was just fine. Not bad, not great, but fine. 

And I started to wonder how I could fix it. 

After all, the enrollment techniques most of us were using—sometimes called relationship selling or the prosperous coach method—put A LOT of attention on your coaching. 

The idea was that you connect with people, find an opening, invite them to experience coaching, and then sell them based on that experience. Which works great if you 1) have a super charming personality and/or 2) you create a really incredible coaching experience. 

If you don’t do either your results will end up being as mediocre as your coaching. 

So I started to think about how I could help people get better.

 

The Motivation of Debt

A few months later I formed a small mastermind group focused on retiring debt. The 3 of us all had built up a fair amount of credit card debt investing in various programs. So we started to meet on a monthly basis to talk about our money, how we spent it, and what we might do to earn our way out of the hole we had found ourselves in. 

I noticed that I was mostly focusing on signing one-on-one clients, which was fine, but I was only paying off debt slowly. I wanted to pay off my debt fast. So I came up with the idea to build a program, something that would allow me to pay off a big chunk of debt all at once. 

I thought about creating something for coaches. A short group program that would have a big impact on them. I wanted to help coaches get better. I wanted to give coaches a taste of what I had experienced at the monastery, but I wasn’t sure how. 

I shared the idea with the group and they liked it. My partner at the time, Christina (who was also a member of the group) said she’d be down to collaborate with me on it. 

At first I just wanted to have people practice coaching. I also wanted them to meditate daily and learn to study their own mind while simply sitting. It wasn’t much more than that. Just meditation and practice. 

But Christina pushed me to create more structure. So we started talking about what had helped us become better coaches. We remembered some of our conversations where we had traded sessions and spent a long time afterwards talking about what did and didn’t work in the sessions. 

We shared feedback with one another and that feedback, which was honest, kind, and curious helped us so much. 

I had encouraged her to be more forceful, to tell clients that she wanted to work with them, and to add more structure to her sessions. She had invited me to be more playful and to bring more joy and laughter into my sessions which could often feel very heavy and serious. 

This feedback grew over time and became more precise as we got to know each other’s coaching. 

We considered how we could combine this element with my monastic experience. Soon we were riffing on ideas. We talked about the icons of Zen and which icons invoked this kind of practice. That was when we started talking about Samurai and how they were both rooted in the zen tradition while also focused on improving their skills in community. 

It became the seed of what would become the Samurai Coaching Dojo

 

Happily Ever After? 

Of course that’s not the end of the story. Christina and I spent years refining the dojo. We learned a lot each time we ran it. Christina left the dojo, and Matt came on as a Sensei.  Matt and I have continued that tradition of simplifying and clarifying the message. Finding new ways to express this simple idea that it’s through practice and feedback that mastery is created. 

But it all started with a simple observation and intention to help coaches while also helping myself. 

I still believe deeply in the core of what the dojo is: an idea rooted in Zen. In Zen they call sitting Zazen. It’s often called practice realization because they don’t see any difference. Practice is enlightenment, enlightenment is practice. 

And that’s what I’ve always tried to keep at the center of the dojo. It’s not about the teachers, or the other students, or the model of coaching, or the tools and techniques. It’s about the practice. 

When you engage in the wholehearted practice of coaching, you can’t help but get better. You can’t help but feel more confident and deep. The trick is the wholehearted part. 

Most things simply engage your mind, but I’ve always tried to make sure the dojo engages every part of each coach that steps inside it. I haven’t always succeeded, but the core of the mission feels just, if not more, important than it ever has been. 

So that’s the origin of the dojo and that’s why I keep choosing to do it every year. 

 

Why Everyone Wants to Become a Coach

It’s 10:30 am and you awake in your beautiful home in Bali. You put on a loose fitting outfit as you listen to the birds sing through the filtered light from the overhanging trees. You wander downstairs to the sound of your personal chef making fresh green organic smoothies in your high powered blender. They smile as they pour you a glass and watch your reaction as you drink. You soak in the flavors of fresh mango and turmeric plus something else? “Passion fruit” the chef says to you with a smile. You give them a wink and wander out onto your gorgeous veranda. 

You open up your silver macbook pro and check your email. 86 people have bought the 21 day course you put online last night and you’ve got three appointments for potential new clients that have been scheduled as you slept. 

You close your email and open your journal. At the top you write . . . Why I love being a coach and begin to record your thoughts. 

 

The Dream

This one BIG reason why people want to become a coach: they imagine that their life will be just like this. A profession that has meaning, a life of incredible freedom, being able to work from anywhere, and a small and acceptable form of celebrity. 

I do know coaches who live like this. (Hell, I actually sort of live like this.) 

I’m currently nomadic and live in AirBnb’s, I only work 4 days a week and I do long beautiful hikes in national parks on the weekends. 

I mostly buy what I want (though my tastes are not expensive) I eat in nice restaurants (or get take-out), and I love my work almost everyday. 

It is possible to get this as a coach, and that’s why people do it. The lifestyle, the promise of freedom, and because they worked with a coach and felt how powerful the process could be.

But this is largely an illusion. Not because you can’t achieve it, but because it’s not what being a coach is all about.  

Being a coach isn’t all about organic smoothies and exotic vacations. 
It’s not about freedom and lifestyle or being able to work from anywhere. 
It’s not about passive income and creating evergreen funnels. 

These can be part of it, but it’s not the core. 

The core of coaching is believing in the possibility of people, in the face of all of the things that are wrong, annoying, and inconvenient about people. 

It’s believing in your client, even when they don’t believe in themselves and their actions indicate that you shouldn’t believe in them either. 

You need this deep understanding in order to face the ‘reality’ of what being a coach actually looks like. 

 

Which looks more like this: 

You wake up at 6:30 in the morning with anxiety in your chest. You haven’t signed a client in a few weeks and you’re starting to get nervous. You know you should be taking action but your fear and distractibility all keep getting in the way. As you stumble out of your bedroom in the apartment you can’t really afford, you kick the empty pizza box you stress ate while watching TV the night before. 

You find a dirty glass in the sink, wash it out, and pour yourself a glass of water. Your blender is attracting flies but you’ll deal with that later. 

You open up your email and find three advertisements from coaches promising to give you all the answers to signing clients. You also find a late payment notification from your credit card company and a potential client that just canceled their session because ‘something came up’.

It’s not even 7 am and you already feel defeated. You click over to youtube and try to watch something motivational, but you just don’t have it in you. You close your computer, make coffee, and sit on the couch with your phone. 

By ten o’clock your neck is stiff and you realize you spent the last two hours scrolling through Facebook and reading articles on a news website. 

You figure this day isn’t really going how you thought it might and that maybe you should just try again tomorrow. 

 

Not that exciting right? 
But I’ve had lots of days like this. 

 

The only thing that’s kept me going is my commitment. My commitment to something bigger than myself, to my clients and my work, and to growth. 

It hasn’t been easy. It took me a year to get committed to a regular schedule and to empower some structure in my life. But I kept at it. I built something. Slowly and then quickly. 

Now my life does feel mostly effortless. I still get worried. I still have doubts. But they don’t slow me down. But it’s not because I live the life of the perfect coach. It’s simply because I’m not a coach so I can live in Airbnbs and work four days a week, that’s a side effect. 

The real reason I’m a coach is because it’s fucking magic. 
Because I get to be in the room where it happens. 
The room where people’s lives change. 

When I focus on that, everything else just gets simpler. 
So if you want to have success as a coach, find a bigger reason and get to work.

Practice your ass off and stay committed. 
It’s possible to wake up to organic smoothies, but first you have to wake up to your deep purpose for being a coach. 

Anything else is just a waste of time. 




10 Things Wrong With Your Coaching Website

So you want to know how good your coaching website is? 

Well I ‘m here to tell you it’s fine. Not great, not horrible, but fine. 

Websites are like personalities, everyone has one, but most of them are unremarkable. And that’s ok. You need one. Or you think you need one. 

You want your website to portray a vaguely professional image. 

You want to make it look like you’re a little (or alot) more successful than you are. 

You want it to not be embarrassing. 

And so your website mostly serves that purpose. It achieves a vague sense of mediocrity and a basic sense of style. 

Your website is like a blue oxford button-down. 
Your website is a polyester dress from H&M
Your website is the LL Bean catalog from 1997, but with worse graphic design. 

And I don’t want to freak you out because that’s fine, but the truth is it could be better. 

After doing a review of some websites for some coaches I know I noticed that most coaches websites are bad in the same way and so I’m going to break down what’s wrong with your coaching website  in simple clear so that you can make yours better. 

 

1) You’ve got too many calls to action 

Each page is like an invitation. So imagine receiving your website like an invite to a party. Where would you go? 

Are you clear on the address of the event? The time? What about the attire or whether there will be food or not? 

When I look at most coaches webpages, their sites ask you to do several things at once Sign up for an e-book, book a call, check out my three different services (which is really just coaching vaguely packaged in three different ways) 

You want each page to be a clear invitation. An invitation that makes sense to why the person is on your page. Not many people are going to book a call right after they meet you. But they might sign up for your mailing list, or download a free resource. If you really just want them to book a call, cool. 

But make the invite interesting…

What’s the call about? 
What will they get?
What questions do they have? 
How might you answer them?

One page, one call to action. 



2) Your ‘stock’ images are also overused by everyone else on the internet –

Look I get it. I like Unsplash too. If you look at my Facebook or blog, you’ll find images other people have used. It’s not ideal but it happens. Enough people searching the same archive with similarish tastes are going to produce a similarish result. 

But for your website it helps if you try and find images that are truly unique.  Basically you want stock photos that don’t look stock. 

My advice is to start by branching out – there are other photo sites on the internet you can check out. You can even reach out to photographers and ask them about using their images. 

Next, search deeper – If you want a forest vibe for your site, don’t select the first image that pops up. Dig deeper into the archive you’re searching. Find something compelling and interesting. Challenge yourself. 

It’s not something to spend a ton of time on, but it is something to pay attention to. 

 

3) You have too many pages for people to click on –

Most coaches really need 3-4 pages on their site. A welcome page, an about page, a blog page, and a ‘work with me’ page. 

Each page should have its own purpose and a specific call to action. 

Your welcome page should be all about letting people know what you and your site are about and maybe inviting them to get more engaged with you, either by downloading something or signing up to your list. 

Your about page should be about you, your story, how you found your way to becoming a coach, and why you keep doing it. 

Your blog page should be about your writing and art. It might direct people to the best posts you have or it might just be a roll of your blogs. 

Do you need more pages than this? No, in fact, you could probably have less. 

So many coaches have lots and lots of pages all in an attempt to make themselves look like their businesses are bigger than they are. This probably isn’t necessary and generally may detract from the purpose of your site. 

The purpose is to help people answer the key questions they have when coming to it. 

Is this for me? 
Can you help me? 
Do I want to learn more? 



4) You offer a ‘free consultation’ without giving any context for that consultation –

For some people wandering up to or messaging strangers and asking them if they’d like to have sex might work. But from what I’ve heard from women who are approached this way, the results aren’t great. 

The reason this doesn’t work is that the invitation to get intimate doesn’t have any context or enrollment. And yet most coaching websites have a sort of immediate offer of intimacy.  

Speak with me! is a common theme. You know that your coaching is your best asset, but it’s a big leap from ‘I just came to your website’ to ‘Sign up to share your deepest fears and dreams with me’ 

Which is why it’s important that you create some context and a reason for them to get on a call. What will happen on the call? What will they get? What problem is it going to solve for them? 

If your offer is clear, then go ahead and make it. If not, you’re likely to get into trouble. 

In general, I think email is a better way to offer a consultation. Get in people’s inbox, build value, offer something worth paying for, establish some credibility, and THEN offer a free call. 

But if you have to offer it on your site, make sure you’re giving people a reason to say yes, in just the same way you might if you met them at a networking event. Or if you were trying to pick them up at a bar.

 

5) You don’t take any risks –

The goal of your website should not be to just have it look ‘adequate’ or ‘professional’ it should express a bit of who you are. 

If you try to front like you’re a well established business you’ll likely end up looking boring. Instead, be willing to take a risk and express something different. 

Tell people what you are about. Share a personal story 

 

6) Your testimonials don’t have pictures – 

Words are great, pictures are better. It’s a simple thing to add and it makes a big difference. When I can see the people who you have worked with, it helps me know they are real people. 



7) You try to add too much information –

This happens because you want to establish authority, you want your site to seem legit, so you add a lot of information. You don’t need to. 

Keep it simple, less is more. 

Ask yourself:

What is it for? 
Why is someone on your site? 
What do they need to know? 
What step or action do you want them to take? 

Provide just enough information for this and then cut everything extra out. 

Importantly though, publish your crappy website first and then edit down. 

 

8) You spend too much time on graphics and not enough on copy –

The most important design element on your website are your words. Written, spoken, or video.. It’s all about your words. 

Keep the graphics simple, incredibly simple, and let the words shine. 

Spend 80% of your time on the words you use and 20% on the graphics or pictures. 

Not that pictures don’t matter, they totally do (see #2). 

People connect with what they read about you and the words invite them deeper. So use your words to deepen the connection. Use your words to create possibility. Use your words to enroll them. 

USE. YOUR. WORDS.

 

9) You don’t tell your own story in a compelling way –

Your story is interesting. I know you don’t think it is, but it is. People want to know about you, they want to know how you became a coach, they want to know about the challenges you’ve faced, they want to know about what you care about. 

Assume your story is interesting and tell it like that. If you’re not sure how, ask a good friend to tell your story and write it down or tell it to someone you trust and have them record it. 

Your story is part of what people hire when they hire you. Don’t worry about your lack of experience or that you haven’t worked as a fortune 500 CEO. Tell your story! It will resonate with your people. 

Oh and don’t just tell your story once, find a way to tell it over and over again.

 

10) Your URL is too long –

I know that soulcoach as a URL is taken, I know that coachingdojo.com is taken. Finding a good URL is hard, but in general if you want people to come to your site it’s better to come up with a short name. One that’s easy to remember. 

So many times I try to go to a coach’s site and I type in the name and get it wrong. I try again. Wrong again. I go to their email and finally click on the link. 

This is something you should test, call someone up and ask them to go to your URL, tell them what it is and ask them how it went for them if they got it wrong your URL is too long or confusing. 

It’s not the end of the world if this happens, but it’s important.. 

The best URLs are short, simple, and easy to type in. 

I even think samuraicoachingdojo is too long and have plans to shorten it to coachingdojo when we do our next redesign. 

A URL should be easy for the user first and exactly what you want it to say second. I get that this can be hard to do , but it’s worth putting some time into. And of course if you need to start with your name and go from there. You can always change your URL later.

 

The Bottom Line

Ok ok I know you probably hate your site now. Interestingly enough I don’t love my site either. I saw a BUNCH of these problems on my site. 

And my business is doing just fine. 

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t publish your site. It doesn’t mean you should spend years on it. Take a weekend and get your site up. Try to work on the things I listed above over time, you don’t need to spend hours making a site, keep it simple. 

While these things will help your site appeal to your customers, getting into conversations with people matters WAY more. 

Everything I listed above are the things that annoy me about coaching websites, but none of them are fatal. Mostly you should enjoy the process of creating your site. You should try not to take yourself too seriously and you should speak from your heart. 

If you do that, you’ll probably be ok. And of course I hope these suggestions help you create a site that is simple and shows people an aspect of your heart. 

Love, 
Toku

How To Un-Learn Disappointment

When you were growing up it was never quite enough. And so you learn to live with disappointment. You learned to be anxious when you weren’t 100% sure you’d covered all the bases, to check and recheck in the hope that this time it would be enough to get love and praise, and to be disappointed in yourself first, before anyone else could. You also learned to be disappointed in others. If they stood up to the test then you could love them, just like if you stood up to the test you deserved love. 

And so now you live in the constant state of fear that you’re letting others down, not because you are, but because that fear feels familiar. You live in a state of being disappointed in yourself because it protects you from the disappointment you project onto others. You express disappointment in others when they fail to meet the exacting standards you set for yourself because after all, it’s only fair to hold them accountable to what you are holding yourself accountable to. That’s love. . . right?!?

What’s possible is to honor your commitments and trust yourself. To look for satisfaction and to choose to be satisfied. What’s possible is to learn to be with others’ disappointment and let that be about their feelings rather than your performance. What’s possible is to hold others in their potential not their performance, and love them in the midst of that. What’s possible is to love and reparent yourself, so that you create for yourself the approval, love, and encouragement you so craved growing up. 

Once you learn to see and be with disappointment, what is possible is a breakthrough in love, connection, acceptance, joy, and ease.