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Home of the Samurai Coaching Dojo blog where Toku McCree, Matt Thielman, and other guest Sensei share their philosophies and practices for deep coaching and honorable enrollment. SUBSCRIBE for updates to be notified of new blog posts, special opportunities just for subscribers, and more!

Coaching is Magic (+bonus sneak peek of something new)

Magicians recite spells and incantations to change the shape of objects
To turn lead into gold. And summon incredible forces into being.

Coaching is no different.
You sit down with your client, and through the simple art of conversation and a willingness to stand for what’s possible their lives change.

Companies are built, relationships saved, old wounds are healed, and incredible things are created.

In 2017 I was inspired to help create incredible coaches.

Having experienced the transformative power of coaching myself and seeing its impact on my clients, how could I not help coaches devoted to doing this sacred work?

Which is why I built the coaching dojo with a former business partner. We poured our soul into that container that stripped away the artifact and facade of coaching.

We pulled back the edges until we discovered the core principles of coaching.

Deep curiosity
Boundless presence
Functional models of change
and a willingness to stand for someone who may not be willing or able to stand for themselves.

We created a space where people could come and practice those principles and we began to see new coaches come to life and season veterans discover their joy and brilliance all over again.

But last year my mission shifted. I realized that even though I had helped many coaches master the art of being powerful in sessions many of them still struggled to be powerful in their businesses.

They struggled to create practices they loved, charge what they were worth, and develop the skills they needed to go from skillful amateurs to professional masters.

Over the last year I ran two beta groups to see if I could use the same principles I relied on in the dojo to help coaches master business in the same way I had helped them master coaching.

Having seen the results, next week I’ll be sharing this next iteration in my commitment to help create the kind of masterful coaches the world really needs . . .

(sneak peak)

Your courage and willingness to create is powerful. Don’t give up.
The world needs incredible coaches, which means the world needs you.

Context Coaching: Shift Your Coaching With This 1 Thing

The single piece of advice I’m about to give you completely shifted one of my client’s coaching. 

The tip was so simple I was surprised when he told me how much better his coaching had become, how much more he understood what was happening with his clients, and how he felt like for the first time he could show up on every call with something to talk about. 

The reason this advice is so important is that it’s something great coaches do CONSTANTLY but that you rarely notice. It’s like the music in a movie. It sets the tone but you don’t notice it unless someone removes it. And yet many coaches don’t do this and it’s why their coaching isn’t as good as it could be. 

OK, enough build-up here it is. . . 

  • Your client is and always in some sort of context. 
  • Most of the time this context is completely invisible to your client. 
  • And yet this context almost entirely dictates what your clients think is possible, the options they see to take, and the way they feel about the world and themselves. 

Your job as the coach is to

1) Reveal what your client wants
2) See the context they are in 
3) Work with them and the context to help them get what they want

The first mistake most coaches make is that they don’t find out what people want. 

Someone comes and says something like, “I feel like my boss is being unfair to me.”

And the coach rushes off to start asking questions about their relationship or worse just starts giving them tips on boundaries and managing up. 

You don’t know what the client wants. 

So ask. 

And keep asking until you and they are both clear. 

(BTW a session all about what a client wants is an AMAZING session) 

The second mistake coaches make is that they find out what the client wants but they don’t see or identify the context the client is in. 

This in and of itself isn’t a problem. 

The real problem is that when you coach someone who is inside an undistinguished context it is VERY likely you’ll end up inside of it as well. 

The analogy that’s often used is a hole. But for today I’m going to use a living room fort. 

YOUR CLIENT IS IN A LIVING ROOM FORT

You know the kind of fort people build as kids with couch cushions and sheets. 

So I want you to imagine your client is inside a living room fort. 

And you’re trying to understand them. 

You’re talking to them, asking them questions. And they are answering but you don’t get them. 

So you start walking closer to the fort because you’re trying to understand where they’re coming from and what they see. 

And before you know it you’re inside the fort. 

You see what you see. Which is great!

But you no longer see the fort. 

Which is a problem. 

Because the fort (the context) is dictating what’s possible and what actions are available. 

You only see what they see from here. And so you can only coach them to do things inside the fort. 

DON’T DO THIS!!!!

Because you’re not really changing people’s lives. You’re simply moving things around inside a fort. You are rearranging deck chairs on a personal titanic. 

Your client has probably already done 90% of what’s possible inside the fort. 
It’s very likely they’ve been in there a while. 

And it’s VERY unlikely what they want is inside that fort. 

If you want to truly serve them you have to help them see they are inside the fort. You have to help them get what’s possible from stepping outside it. You have to work with them to leave the fort while distinguishing what it’s like to be inside it so that when they find themselves inside it again (which they will) they can find their way out. 

Which is why . . .
As you’re coaching . . . 

Be asking . . . 

What’s the context my client is inside of? 
What do they see? 
What do they believe? 
What do they want? 
Do I see the context? 
Do they see the context? 
How can I help them see where they are so they can go where they want? 

Keep their context in view AT ALL TIMES

If you lose it (and you will) step back and figure it out. 
Let there be silence. 
Let there be space. 

CONTEXT, CONTEXT, CONTEXT

It’s so important. So get fierce about it. 

And your coaching will never be the same. 

Curious about the role of context in enrollment?  Watch this video about creating a powerful context.

Preparing To Be A Coach vs. Practicing To Be A Coach

A lot of times we let fear stop us from making progress with what we want… and more commonly, we don’t even realize when it’s happening.

W. Clement Stone put it like this– “Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will”

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “Toku, tell me something I don’t know”

And I know you’ll especially be thinking this if you’re a coach because as coaches we are specifically trained to help people recognize where fear is holding them back. We build our careers off of getting people to take that great leap toward what they want most, and work for it in spite of these fears…

But here’s the hard truth of the matter:

Fear can manifest in an infinite amount of ways. Many times, fear is hidden behind seemingly innocent notions of reservation or hesitation before taking action. Thus, making certain proponents of fear hard to recognize (even for the most savvy coaches).

The reality is that many coaches fall subject to fear-based obstacles without even knowing it. They’ll call what they’re doing “prep-work” or “training” when really it’s just an excuse to keep them from the scary reality of actually DOING the work.

In the monastery, we called “doing”, practice. We focused our attention on the practice of meditation, and on the practice of compassion. Time and time again, we would come back to this practice. No excuses, no wasting time “preparing” before actually meditating… But rather, we were committed to throwing ourselves fully into the becoming.

In the case of the monastery, our goal was to become the awakening for which we were seeking. It didn’t matter if we woke up one morning “not really feeling it” because we knew that this feeling had nothing to do with our ability to actually do the work of coming back to our practice each day.

When it comes to meditation, one must not focus on the outcome or the “desired enlightenment” as the reason for practicing. Instead, you are taught to only focus on your practice, on the action itself. In yoga, this is referred to as Abhyasa Vairagya, or to practice wholeheartedly without attachment to the outcome.

Whether we are working on shifting mindset, state of being, meditating, manifestation, energetics, any of it, or all of it.

All comes to bear in the realm of action.

It is single-handedly the action (or practice) that is what determines success.

Now you might be thinking, “What if I make a mistake? Or what if I steer someone in the wrong direction? Does this mean that I can step on people or manipulate them in order to become a successful coach?” “Are you saying I should just do whatever it takes even if it’s unethical?

No, that is not at all what I am saying.

What I will say though, is that sometimes you’re going to make mistakes as a coach. Sometimes you’re going to be self-serving, or you’re going to get people to say yes for the wrong reasons. Sometimes you’re going to do bad coaching.

None of this can be avoided. It is both a natural and necessary part of the process of becoming a successful coach. Of learning the ins and outs of how to communicate with people and work with them for their personal benefit, as well as your own.

It’s precisely why you should have a coach and fellow peers in your corner, to make sure you’re staying on the right path. People who will check you and call you out if (and when) you get lost in your ego.

You DO need support in order to stand for your values… But inaction is never a stand for your values.

If we only had coaches who are so concerned with their ethics that they avoid taking any clients, that’s not going to help anyone. In fact, it just makes things worse.

Imposter syndrome plagues the best of us, as well as the worst of us. But it takes a brave few to recognize imposter syndrome for what it is, and push through regardless.

What we really need in the field, are more coaches who:

  1. Are willing to practice whatever it takes to get people enrolled in possibility
  2. Are willing to do the work to enroll people with integrity, honor, and courage.

That’s what I taught in the coaching dojo, and that’s exactly what I teach in my .

If this sounds like something you’re interested in, do not hesitate to reach out for more information. It’s time to stop preparing, and start DOING! Are you brave enough to DO?

The Endless Trap of Preparation for Coaches

So many coaches, both novice and seasoned, are heavily invested in preparing themselves for the position of running the coaching business of their dreams. Pouring thousands of dollars into educational books, high-level training, marketing courses, and working with other coaches, all to help hone in on their craft.

We all know how time and money invested into the betterment of yourself offers the biggest return on investment of all. But how many of you are using this facade of “preparation” as means of avoiding actually getting started or doing the work?

Still not seeing it? Well you’re not alone. Let me explain…

I’ve been involved in the coaching industry for quite some time now, and year after year, I watch coaches struggle:

They either try the coaching thing for a little while and then get burnt out for a little while longer…

OR

They just push through, year after year, never actually “making it”, but never quite failing either.

Unbeknownst to themselves, this is often perpetuated by what I like to call, The Endless Trap of Preparation.

A trap that befalls all sorts of people from all walks of life, but it’s especially tragic for coaches.

Why is that, you might ask?

Well, precisely because coaches are the people who should know how to get out of this trap! Or at the very least, recognize the trap for exactly what it is.

We coaches are the ones who have spent all of this time, money, and energy training to be able to help people create momentum, and become accountable for their own goals. To get people up and out of the “idea” phase, and moving through the motions of actually creating and implementing the necessary steps to bring their goals to fruition.

Yet somehow, even the “best” coaches in the world, with mountains of training and experience, still miss that which is right under their noses… they fail to recognize their own personal shortcomings and fears in the face of their career.

This “trap” of getting stuck in the preparation-phase is not only experienced by coaches. Anyone can fall subject to this fear-based obstacle which rids the potential for any momentum to manifest.

Momentum, being the catalyst here to the success of any endeavor, big or small.

There is one truth I have come to know as being the secret to success. It is a truth so simple, that many times it goes unnoticed, even by the most seasoned coaches and entrepreneurs.

This truth is captured by one of my favorite quotes:
​

The universe moves for the deed, not the doer.

-Dusan Djukich

​

The message behind this quote is so simple, it’s alarming. In some ways, nothing else matters but what you do. You can come up with a million and a half ideas for what you want to be doing or creating, but until you actually DO it, these ideas will only ever be just that, an idea.

Now don’t get me wrong, preparation is important– and your mindset does have a huge impact on the outcome of any endeavor. The mentality you bring to the plate as you take action does deeply affect the final product… but all of this is no match to the overwhelming effectiveness of action. Even bad action is necessary in the grand scheme of momentum and all things success.

This is why the endless trap of preparation is so insidious, because one will let the fear of “messing up” or “doing it wrong” stop them from ever actually DOING. You can prepare and prepare and prepare a thousand times over, but that doesn’t change this one simple truth of the matter:

When you are preparing, you are not doing.
​When you are training, you are not doing.
​When you are trying, you are not doing.

Only doing is doing.

Doing is what matters.

Is the Coaching Industry Overcrowded? Concerns of New Coaches in a Growing Industry

One of the people in my mastermind shared this quote:

“The massive influx of coaches since Covid started has completely changed the rules of the game. Literally, tens of thousands of people are now calling themselves a coach who weren’t a couple of years ago.

And that figure is growing, so you’d better be ready for some hard work and to get help because otherwise, you’re wasting your time.

But it is doable if you’re utterly committed, prepared to work really hard and you’re very patient.”

Original source

They wanted to know if I thought the industry had changed because of COVID, and how much competition coaches have.

I hear statements like this every year or two…
There are so many coaches
There’s tons of people who have come into coaching
There’s a lot of coaching companies

And these statements are probably true. There are probably more coaches out there than there were a couple years ago.

The other truth is, most coaches are journeyman coaches; aka they’re mediocre at best. This is not a dig on coaches, it’s just the way the coaching industry trains people.

The ICF and the other coaching organizations train people for competence. They want to make sure people are competent. There’s nothing wrong with that, I’m actually glad they exist and have standards by which they decide where people are competent. 

But the truth is, the very best coaches will continue to remain in high demand.

The reason is that 45 minutes spent with a journeyman coach is vastly different from 45 minutes spent with a really powerful coach, who’s being, way of showing up, intention and style is truly unique.

If you are simply running life wheels, 360 reviews, and using basic accountability, it’s going to keep getting harder and harder. That part of the market is going to get commodified, just like everything else… a journeyman massage therapist, lawyer, tattoo artist, etc.

If you’re at the level of a journeyman, you’re always going to struggle.  It doesn’t matter which profession you’re in. Maybe there was a time where you could just show up and do a life wheel and people were blown away by it.

But again the best coaches will and always will remain in high demand.

Most journeyman coaches don’t realize that they are journeyman coaches. They don’t know what they’re doing, but they always think they’re doing what’s necessary or whatever is required, they’re going through the motions.

If you realize you’re that kind of coach, great! You have an opportunity to change.

If you’re a great coach and are working really hard to be a great coach, you should not ask yourself “Am I any good?” which is the question of the journeyman coach. Rather, you should be asking yourself , “how good can I get? How can I show up and take the decisive action? How can I get the very best teachers and trainers? How can I do the work on myself to show up powerfully, day in and day out for my client so I’m unconditionally believing in their possibility?” 

Quotes like this, which was probably pulled from a marketing website, are all designed to act on fear so you go “oh no I’m not going to get clients, I better sign up for this program”.

I don’t sell that way, the best coaches I know don’t sell that way.

The thing I build my mastermind on, the thing I sell to my clients is not just-enough coaching, it’s the very best coaching I can offer. I leave everything on the mat with my clients. In my mastermind, the time we spend together is a launching point for them to go and multiply whatever their investment is. It’s not because I want them to become “pretty good”. It’s because  I want them to become the very best coach they possibly can be.

So long story short, if you’re just trying to do the bare minimum and get by, you don’t want to transform your relationship to time, money, clients, and your own work, then yes you will struggle.

That’s how most coaches are. They struggle.

But if you’re willing to take that extra step, to truly transform how you show up to your coaching practice, how you show up to your clients, to truly transform the way you relate to your business and your life, you’re going to be fine.

That’s the work of great coaching. That’s the work of changing people’s lives. That’s why most people actually get into coaching in the first place.

So if that’s where you are and that’s where your focus is and you can find good teachers, you’re going to be just fine. Don’t worry about the coaching industry being too crowded.

Only Working With Inspirational Clients: A Coaching Tactic That Doesn’t Work

Even though almost all coaches start out coaching whoever they can, eventually coaches start to realize that certain kinds of people are more fun to work with. They are motivated, working on interesting projects, and inspiring to be around. That’s when coaches get this idea that if they could get more and more people like this their levies would be better. 

 

What’s Behind It:

Coaches usually follow this tactic because . . .

  1. They keep getting no’s as they begin to raise their rates and they think ‘more inspiring people’ have more money. So if they can just find them they can make more. 
  2. They are struggling to be inspired by the clients or people showing up in their practice and they are hoping a new kind of client will breathe motivation and inspiration into their work and make the coaching easier. 
  3. They see other coaches talking about their amazing clients and think if they could only get clients like that they would have ‘made it’ as a coach. 

 

The Problem:

This tactic isn’t bad at face value, choosing to work with or focusing on clients who inspire is a great idea, the problem comes when you think this will change something about you or your coaching. Your uninspiring prospects or clients aren’t your problem. Your lack of inspiration isn’t caused by them. And finding more inspiring clients might work for a while but even then the underlying need to prove yourself or desire to experience something different will return. 

 

What a Master Coach Does Instead:

A master coach chooses to be inspired by her clients. They don’t expect their clients to show up in a particular way to find something about them that’s incredible. They stand in the place where they can see the client’s possibility and don’t move no matter what the client does or how they show up. 

Of course, they’re human and they stumble and get into negative thinking or even get discouraged by their clients sometimes, but they always do the work to get back into believing in their clients. 

Yes they try to be around interesting people and they seek out clients that are fun to work with, but they never get caught in the illusion that there are some mystical clients out there that will change them or their practice. They show up, do the work, honor their own and their client’s human foibles, and choose to believe in possibility anyway. 

Making Space for Grief Over the Holidays

Many people see the holidays as a space for joy, which is a wonderful sentiment and intention. But the holidays are also a space for grief. For some people the holidays remind them of turmoil and abuse. Having time and space with family wasn’t a blessing but a threat.

For others the holidays remind them of what’s been lost: Lost family members, lost loves, lost time. Whether it’s the loneliness of the first Christmas in a new town or the grief of the fifth holiday after the death of a beloved friend or relative, there is pain.

Sometimes when we look back we judge the year we’ve had, we feel the failures of the past twelve months, we compare our bounty to the bounty of others and find ourselves, our wealth, and our lives lacking.

All of this is normal and yet, it’s easy to feel a sense of shame, a desire to hide or fix our grief in a season where it seems only joy is allowed. It can push you into isolation or hiding your feelings.

And so my invitation is to allow space for yourself to grieve this year over the holidays. Let yourself cry about the Christmas mornings you didn’t have, cry over the year that went wrong, cry over the loved one who isn’t with you around the hearth. Let your tears flow out so that the joy and gratitude might as well.

The holidays are a merry time of year and letting yourself weep so that your heart may open and you can feel the spirit of love and hope might just be the very thing that allows you to feel close to those you love and those you’ve lost.

This Christmas I’m going to take some time to journal, to grieve, and to love the tender parts of myself. Then I’ll wipe my tears, eat a candy cane, and watch Die Hard (which is totally a Christmas movie BTW) and allow the new space I’ve opened up to be filled with love and gratitude for the incredible life I lead.

I hope each of you makes space for whatever you feel and that you find love in the strangest of places.

Coaching Your Heroes and Idols: A Coaching Tactic That Does Not Work

At some point every coach has had the thought, wouldn’t it be great if I could get Mr. x as my client. Who Ms. X is, is different for each person. For some people it’s a celebrity, for others it’s a top mind in their industry. 

 

What’s behind it:

The impetus behind this desire is twofold:

1) You think that if you coach this person it will mean something about you or your coaching. You think if you coach this person you’ll be recognized and be able to use that reference as a way to attract others into your practice. 

2) You think that working with this person will change who you are as a coach. You’ll be effortlessly inspired, motivated to do things differently, and walk on air. 

 

The problem:

Most people in positions of power are very sensitive to these kinds of requests. They can feel people who want to get something from them and it usually turns them off. It’s why the most common response to the outreaches is to politely decline. 

In addition, even if you do sign these clients it doesn’t really change who you are or how you show up as a coach. It might inspire a bit, but even if you do coach your idol it won’t matter as much as the commitment you make to your own practice, working with your own coach, and your own deep spiritual work. 

 

What a master coach does instead:

A master coach spends time around people that challenge his thinking, he works to connect with people that are interesting and talented. YES she tries to get into a room with people who do interesting work, are up to big things, and are motivated to change, but they don’t obsess over any one person. They understand that being in a space and connecting deeply with people matters more than one trophy client on their wall. 

What To Do When a Client Gets Deflated on a Call

One of the coaches that I’m working with came to me after a tough sales call. My client said that her potential client left the call feeling deflated because she wasn’t sure if she could make a big investment into coaching. 

What she wanted to know was, “What do I do when a client leaves a call feeling deflated?”

Even though the coach had done a good job enrolling her, when she quoted her a rate of $1000 a month, the client was forlorn. She was so excited about coaching but she wasn’t sure she could afford the coaching. She even told the coach that she was already worried that she wouldn’t be able to pay but that she wanted to try and figure out a way. 

Here’s what I told her . . . 

It sounds like your prospect came in ready to be deflated.

She came in worried that my client was too expensive.
She came in worried that she couldn’t make it work.

My guess is that this is a long running pattern in her life. 

Obviously she isn’t my client so I can’t be 100% sure, but my guess is that there are a bunch of examples where she starts off optimistic but she knows (from experience) that optimism won’t get her that far so she prepares herself to be let down.

Anytime you offer someone the chance to commit and that commitment includes a financial investment, it’s very likely going to stir up all the stories they have about how they can’t do what they want to do, and that money or something else is going to get in the way. 

When this happens it’s best to start by saying you get it and offering them a shared experience. You might say something like “Hey, I totally get it. I’ve been in the place where I’m totally excited about something I wanted to do but then when I found out what kind of commitment it was going to take I felt shut down. So if you’re feeling deflated right now, it’s totally normal. It’s happened to me with coaches I’ve wanted to hire before too.” 

Then once you empathize, you can ask them if this is just a one time thing or if maybe this is a pattern for them. A pattern of wanting something, finding out what it’s going to take, and then feeling deflated. 
If they see that it is indeed a pattern for them, you get to explore that pattern with them and even help them through it, if that’s what they want. 

Then you can . . . 

Normalize what they’re feeling and then invite them into the possibility.

Ask them: “What is deflation protecting you from?”
Then ask: “If you didn’t need protection from that, if you felt you could trust yourself to handle what came up, what might be possible? 

In this way you’re helping them see the context that’s getting them stuck and helping them see one pathway forward. 

But what about just avoiding deflation? Is that something we should try to do as coaches? 

For me, I don’t want to be attached to how my clients are feeling or need them to get anywhere different. That can get tricky at times because of course I want my clients to feel inspired and happy, but sometimes clients need to feel deflated. 

That’s why it’s so powerful to simply acknowledge their struggle and then ask them where they’d like to go next. 

As you get more powerful as a coach and especially as you raise your prices, you’re going to encounter more and more people who feel inspired by your work but get hung up on the investment you’re asking them to make. 

If you can learn to not take it personally, normalize it for your clients and gently create more possibility, you’re not just helping them open up to making a commitment beyond their comfort zone, you’re helping them see that possibility exists even when we can’t easily see it.