From time to time every coach gets caught in one of three binds. In some ways, these binds are completely made up by us, in another way they align with the way the humans have always created the world.
You can’t get free of these binds really, they will show up in one form or another as long as you’re a coach and have a business. But by understanding them and learning to see them you can choose how you want to be with them, rather than secretly being trapped by them.
Over the next three posts, I’m going to break down the three binds and share how you can notice how you’re caught.
If you’d like to see an example of how I work with these binds you can watch the first episode of Coaching Dojo Live – where I coach the amazing Sarah Mastriani-Levi
Bind 1 – Compromise VS Stand
The world is always asking us to compromise, to be realistic, to lower our standards, to give in and give up. Anytime you take a stand you immediately invite polarization, criticism, fear, admiration, and resistance.
As a coach, this shows up in a bunch of places: your fees, the kinds of clients you work with, even your investments in programs or coaches.
But the first place it usually arises if with your fee. There’s often a sense for coaches that if they keep their fees low, they will sign more clients. And keeping your fees low or lowering them will often create some results.
Every one of your clients has a context of affordability they live into. And if you lower your fees you get closer to the level they feel ‘comfortable’ with. You also have a context of worth you live into and the lower your fees are the easier it is for you to believe that you’re offering something of value to the world.
*The problem is that the more you compromise the more you start to believe compromise is the answer.*
So much so that you begin to ignore what you need to survive.
You miss the opportunity to provide your clients with a real barrier to commitment that would have they confront their fears, self-doubt, and resistance. Basically, all the things they need in order to actually change their lives and show up to life differently.
This is why compromise is a dead-end road that leads nowhere and why coaches that do it so often either feel a sense of constant dissatisfaction or spiritual bypass as they struggle to pay their rent. Maybe, after all, you were just made to struggle? How heroic?
The escape out of this bind is to simply take a stand. To set your rates and learn how to create the commitment required to get there. To be clear on the clients you will and won’t work with and be with the breakdown of not knowing anyone like that.
The irony of this is, that when you do take a stand, it’s easy to think standing is the answer and become rigid and arrogant. You’re WORTH your fee, your clients are saying no because they don’t BELIEVE in themselves enough.
So again you find yourself in the bind. The escape is to soften, to let go of the need to stand as an answer, and to allow yourself to be more flexible and compromise from time to time.
Neither end of this bind is the answer. The key is to notice where you are and try to not get stuck at either end.
If you’re a new coach you likely need the medicine of stand. If you’re an experienced coach you may need the medicine of compromise. Both have something to offer.
Again slow down and let go of the idea that either compromise or stand will solve all of your problems. If you tend to compromise learn to stand, if you feel rigid and arrogant learn to soften.
And if you need help, let me know. I’ve worked with dozens of coaches with these binds and helped them find something that worked for them.
The next bind is Selfish VS Generous keep an eye out for that post soon.