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Home of the Samurai Coaching Dojo blog where Toku McCree, Christina Salerno, and other guest Sensei share their philosophies and practices for deep coaching and honorable enrollment. SUBSCRIBE for updates to be notified of new blog posts, special opportunities just for subscribers, and more!

ODSC Framework #8: The Drop – Zoomin’ In and Out

Continuing with our ODSC video series, here’s the second lesson on The Drop.

Are you looking for new techniques to start your coaching conversation, to ensure that your client feels that the session is actually very powerful? Toku shares two ways you can focus on this element in order to optimize your experience with your client.

 

(See also the previous posts in this series: Introduction, The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements, The Open – Building Rapport, The Open – Bad Coach Distortion, The Open – Creating Awe, and The Drop – What’s it All About?)

ODSC Framework #7: The Drop – What’s It All About?

In this post about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation, we’re transitioning out of Part 1: The Open, and into Part 2: The Drop.

Do people seem to enjoy a session with you but they never get to the point of hiring you? Do your clients try to run away or lock up when it’s time to talk about money? One reason could be that you’re not handling the second phase of the framework, the Drop, as artfully as you could.

 

(See also the previous posts in this series: Introduction, The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements, The Open – Building Rapport, The Open – Bad Coach Distortion, and The Open – Creating Awe.)

ODSC Framework #6: The Open – Creating Awe

This is our sixth post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation, and the last segment focusing on an aspect of The Open. (See previous: Introduction, The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements, The Open – Building Rapport, The Open – Bad Coach Distortion.)

In this last section about The Open we’re focusing on creating awe.

Do you feel that your coaching is pretty good but you’re still finding yourself working really hard as a coach, always wrangling your clients? Do you wonder how you can do better? In this segment, Toku explores the energy and container component around the art of awe, which you can create to really captivate your audience.

 

ODSC Framework #5: The Open – Bad Coach Distortion

This is our fifth post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation. (See previous: Introduction, The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements, The Open – Building Rapport)

This section of The Open is about bad coach distortion.

Sometimes the lack of self-trust as a coach can be detrimental to the transition from proposal to client. There are ways to prep yourself and slow yourself down, to get into your body and avoid jeopardizing the session with your client. Toku identifies this struggle as the “bad coach distortion” in the Open phase and explains how you can get out of it by staying present.

 

ODSC Framework #4: The Open – Building Rapport

This is the fourth post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation. (See previous: Introduction, The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements)

We’re still deep in the phase called “The Open;” this post centers on building rapport.

We often think that building rapport only occurs in the beginning of a relationship with a client. It’s important to know that building rapport is actually something that is ongoing. It’s necessary not only to create, but also to maintain, the foundation of trust with your client. Toku discusses the best way to do this in the Open phase.

 

ODSC Framework #3: The Open – Agreements

This is the third post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation. (See previous: Introduction, The Open – Context)

We’re still discussing the Open, but now we’re shifting the focus to agreements.

Agreements Part 1: the Key 4 Agreements

Do you feel that your ongoing sessions aren’t powerful enough? How strong is the trust between you and your client? Establishing your key agreements helps create a powerful container where anything is possible. In Part 1, Toku dives into the key 4 agreements that allow him to serve his clients best.

 

Agreements Part 2: Depth + 100%

Are you clear of your intentions and/or purpose of your deep coaching around the physics that rule your client’s life? How do you serve your client when it comes to their depth? In Part 2, Toku explores these two topics and explains their importance—not only to your client, but to yourself as a coach.

ODSC Framework #2 – The Open – Context

This is the second post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation, what we’re calling the ODSC Framework (Open-Drop-Shift-Close).

(Check out Part 1 – Introduction here.)

Do you doubt whether the work you deliver matters? Do you find your conversations aren’t as powerful as they used to be? In your opening, focusing on fine-tuning the context around your conversation will be the key solution to some of these doubts you have in your coaching ability. Toku explores a few ways to do this.

 

And a special Bonus video on Context: “Context is not a to-do list.”

The 4 Parts of an Incredible Coaching Conversation: Introduction (ODSC #1)

This is the first post in the series about the four key parts of an incredible coaching conversation.

Many coaches around the world focus heavily on topics like your coaching mindset and your being, but there doesn’t seem to be enough about what it takes to make powerful conversations. There are key points to maintain that will help you create stronger conversations and drive better enrollment opportunities.

In this introduction, Toku shares a bit about the four parts of the ODSC Framework: Open, Drop, Shift, and Close. In subsequent videos he’ll dive deeper into each of the parts and what makes them truly effective.

 

The other posts in this series:

The Open – Context, The Open – Agreements, The Open – Building Rapport, The Open – Bad Coach Distortion, The Open – Creating Awe

The Drop – What’s it All About?, The Drop – Zoomin’ In and Out, The Drop – Don’t Believe Your Clients, The Drop – The Right Place

The Shift – Creating the Shift, The Shift – The Reveal, The Shift – The Transform, The Shift – The Commit, The Shift – Ownership – Acceptance, The Shift – Where Does It Come From?, The Shift – Where Does It End?, The Shift – Knowing Where You’re Going, The Shift – HighlightingThe Shift – Letting Things Land, The Shift – Using Embodiment, The Shift – Facilitation vs. Depth, The Shift – Klaus & Inner Buddha, The Shift – Shifts with Context, The Shift – What’s Valuable?, The Shift – More than a Shift

The Close – What Is the Close?, The Close – Next Steps and Commitments, The Close – Reflection, The Close – Acknowledgement, The Close – The Simmer

Triggering Your Client / The Pain of Going Back

Part 1: Triggering Your Client

For much of my early coaching journey, I did my best to avoid triggering clients and prospects. Sure, I challenged them, but I was very careful to avoid the red line between what was hard and what caused them to get reactive. Even before I was a coach, I put a lot of work into developing the relational energy and communication skills needed to avoid triggering others, identify when I am being triggered, and getting out of a triggered state as quickly as possible.

But during a recent coaching session something different happened. I triggered this amazing woman I was talking to, but instead of getting scared and employing my anti-trigger defense system, I got curious. I slowed down. I mean way, way, way down. I stayed with her. I tried very hard to not think of this trigger as a bad thing, but as the exact thing she needed to experience. I focused on trusting her fully.

I spent time with her talking about what came up for her and giving her empathy. I spent time connecting with her and looking at the narrative she was running about our conversation and me. Through that investigation, many things became known. She admitted wanting to get off the call. I admitted that triggering her was hard for me, but that I was committed to staying with her. I revealed to her the inherent love and respect I had for her as a person.

When she was ready, we dove deep into the trigger and it was beautiful. What we came to during this very first conversation was deep, powerful, and breathtaking. I was blown away by what happened when I triggered this amazing woman but didn’t avoid the strength or power of her reaction.

This is what is so amazing about coaching. As you get into a rapport with discomfort and become willing to live dangerously, your capacity expands the capacity of everyone you connect with.

To be a master coach you must always be asking:

  • Where can I go deeper?
  • Where do I need to stretch?
  • Where do I fear to live?
  • Where am I holding on to my reputation?

Then, throw yourself into the wholehearted practice you need to become the notorious coach you and your clients’ dreams so desperately need.

Part 2: The Pain of Going Back

Sometimes as you grow and change, you have these moments where you shift back into your former self.

  • Maybe you go home and get into the same fight you’ve been having with your father for the last 20 years.
  • Maybe you find yourself at an event with people you don’t know that well and all of a sudden feel awkward and isolated all over again.
  • Or maybe you take on a task that’s hard and you’re suddenly spun by your old fears of failure and embarrassment.

These kinds of experiences can make you question your growth and doubt that you’ve really changed. But that’s simply not the case. In fact, what I’ve found is that these flashback moments are one of the most powerful indications of deep growth you will ever experience.

Let me explain:

The Analogy of Small Shoes

Let’s think of your capacity for awareness and growth like a pair of feet.

Back when you started your business or professional life, your instincts were weak and soft, kind of like a baby’s feet. As you learned to stand, your bones got stronger and your muscles developed. As you made mistakes and dealt with challenges your calluses grew to protect you and strengthen the places that were weak.

Before long, you were able to walk around on a pair of fully developed feet, with strong bones and muscles. And, of course, you wore shoes that matched these feet.

Then something happened. You found yourself back in a former part of your life. You noticed yourself walking and acting like you did long ago when your feet were small and soft, all while wearing shoes ten sizes too small.

Just imagine how that might feel, shoving your big grown feet into tiny shoes: the discomfort, the restriction, and the pain that would cause. What is that discomfort really telling you? Does it mean your feet are weak? Or that you don’t know how to walk? No, it means that these shoes don’t belong to you anymore.

This is what it’s like to step back into your old patterns or beliefs after you’ve grown out of them. It hurts because you’ve moved beyond this place and trying to walk in your old shoes hurts like hell. It’s easy to imagine this means you suck in some way, but in reality, this is telling you that you’re stronger than you realize and you’ve grown more than you thought you had.

So the next time you feel yourself slip into these old ways of being and it hurts, don’t make it a problem. Don’t turn it into some story about how everything is hopeless. Instead, see it for what it is: a beautiful indication of how you’ve grown and a testament to how you’ll never go back to the way things were before.

Articles on The Power of Practice

One of the things I love to do is read up on the Power Of Practice. Below are some of my favorite articles on this subject.

Harvard Business Review: “The Making of an Expert”
https://hbr.org/2007/07/the-making-of-an-expert

Business Insider – “A top psychologist says there’s only one way to become the best in your field — but not everyone agrees”
http://www.businessinsider.com/anders-ericsson-how-to-become-an-expert-at-anything-2016-6

eLearning Industry – “7 Gold Standards Of Deliberate Practice: Why Max Verstappen Has No Talent”
https://elearningindustry.com/7-gold-standards-deliberate-practice

RAIN Group – “Why 90% of Sales Training Fail”
https://www.slideshare.net/MichaelSchultz12/why-sales-training-failsweb

Public Library of Science – “Best Practice” Skills Lab Training vs. a “see one, do one” Approach
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0076354