Archives for:
“how to be a life coach”

5 Ways To Become A Better Coach

Becoming a “great” coach is nebulous but I’ve put together a list of articles to read that will help you become a better coach.

  1. Take 5 minutes to recommit to being a coach. Consider your why. Read Be A Better Coach In 5 Minutes.
  2. Transform your life. Do the work and be ready to coach others to do the work. Read 7 Steps To Transform Your Life.
  3. Make the choice to be a coach. I know you already chose to be a coach, but really choose it. Read Choosing To Be A Coach.
  4. Get comfortable going deep. Coaching requires deep conversations. Read The Fear Of Going Deep.
  5. Join containers and groups that stretch you to grow. Join the waitlist for The Embodied Coach Mastermind.

Deserving vs. Declaring: The Guilt You Feel

It’s easier to play the game of deserving. We don’t have to deal with the guilt of getting what we want when we are given something because we ‘deserve’ it. We don’t have to actively look at what we agree to allowing, we just complain about how others get more than they deserve. 

The alternative is boundaries, what we will and won’t do, what we will and won’t upset. These are harder because they bring us face to face with others’ disappointment and feelings. They bring us face to face with feeling the guilt of getting what we want. But they are much more empowered, instead of playing the game of deserving we play the game of declaration. 

We declare what we’re going to create and then we live into that declaration. We declare what’s workable and not workable for us and then we have to be with our feelings and the feelings of others in the midst of that. 

So while it’s easier or rather I should say more ‘comfortable’ to play the game of deserving it rarely creates us or our lives as a center of power and possibility.

Coaching Only Takes 3 Steps

The Surprising Truth: Coaching Is Actually Very Simple

If I want to sell you on coaching, I will make it seem like it’s super difficult. And then like a magician (or a con artist) I’ll remove the barriers. I’ll tell you that I’ve got a magical map through the forest. One where all the traps and beasts are marked on it. If you use my map, you’ll be nice and safe.

But this is a lie.

Coaching isn’t complicated. It’s actually very very simple.

This is how coaching works.

First, you become possibility. You don’t talk strategy and offer suggestions. When you sit in front of the client you believe in and embody that anything is possible for them.
You breathe it. You embody it. You express it.

Second, you sit across from someone and you ask them what you want.
And you keep asking them until you can feel you’ve got it. You’ve got a hold of what they really want. Not the strategy, the thing they think they can get, or the thing they think they should want. But the thing they actually want.

Third, you find out what keeps them from getting it. What stops them or how they stop themselves. You explore it until you understand it completely. Until both of you know this thing with the intimacy of your own breath.

That’s it.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Becoming intimate with what’s in the way.

It’s not complicated.

All the tools, questions, and processes are really just designed to help you do that.
Be possibility.
Find out what people want.
Become intimate with the obstacles.

So simple and also quite challenging. The simplicity itself is perhaps the biggest challenge.

That’s why at some point learning more doesn’t help.
The only thing that helps is practice and being.

The practice of keeping it simple.
The practice of being possibility.
The practice of standing for your client no matter how they show up.

Don’t make it complicated so you can avoid the challenge.
Keep it simple, so you can fully embrace it.

Love,
Toku

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PS If you are ready to embrace the simplicity and become a master coach, apply for the spring 2021 dojo here.